


blueberry boy [REVAMPED]

by aurora_fever



Series: matz all the way [4]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Angst, Blowjobs, CEO Seonghwa, Drama & Romance, Exhibitionism, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation, Semi Public Sex, Sexual Tension, Size Difference kink?, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Window Sex, age gap, and seonghwa is struggling, handjobs, highschool hongjoong, hongjoong is a whole brat and tease, i lied this got HELLA emotional, rebellious art student hongjoong, ten year age gap - Freeform, this has so many blowjobs hongjoong's jaw is u okay, this will get a little emotional, yunho as usual is the friend of the year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:41:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27005239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurora_fever/pseuds/aurora_fever
Summary: There’s a secret within the four walls of Park Seonghwa’s office.alternatively: i suck at summaries but this is agegap seongjoong with a plot.READ CHAP 3before you come at me :)
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: matz all the way [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1920337
Comments: 84
Kudos: 361





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> READ TAGS! Hongjoong is **LEGAL** (18). Seonghwa is almost 28. So there is around a 10 year age gap between them. If that makes you uncomfortable, please don’t proceed with the story. Don’t worry this won’t have any grooming, if anything poor Seonghwa because [spoilers] lmao Everything is WITH CONSENT.

* * *

Seonghwa stares at his reflection.

It feels almost meaningless now, looking at himself. Deep inside he knows he should be grateful. All his hard work in college and showing face to the privileged did brought him here—a man nearing his thirties with seven cars, his own suite and a thriving company. As if it wasn’t enough, he’s blessed with the charms and finesse that gets him what he wants when he needs it. But standing there in his sorry excuse of a home with no one there to greet him when he wakes up in the morning, or share his sentiments after a taxing day of work, there’s that lingering emptiness in Seonghwa’s chest he had learned to dismiss for quite some time now.

His tie feels a little bit tighter today, so he makes an effort to loosen it, knowing it was going to be another long day. Company gatherings were the worst. It's all fake smiles and conversations, an excuse for his employees to show off their Rolex or newly tailored coats, lots of people kissing ass to him as if it would get them magically promoted. Really, Seonghwa wants nothing but to lock himself in his office till it ends, but then he remembers he’s actually the CEO of his own firm and it leaves him no choice but to tolerate the nonsense interactions.

His phone rings, and he promptly opens his phone to answer it.

“Mr. Park, event will start in thirty minutes.”

Seonghwa hums a small _yes_ at his secretary’s robotic voice before grabbing his keys.

* * *

Seonghwa is parched. How couldn't he be when throngs of people decided it was good idea to engage with him after delivering a speech? This was the eight—no, ninth conversation he had been looped into, and the burly sales manager and his wife can’t seem to stop talking. Seonghwa didn’t even take five minutes before he’s excusing himself for a glass of water, _anywhere_ where another stranger won’t take up his time bragging about their job performance.

He paces across the function room, taking out his phone to check the time and praying this bloody thing would end. That is, until he collided with another body.

"Watch where you're going, geez."

Seonghwa paused. No one ever spoke to him like that before. Looking up the first thing he sees is the striking blue hair. It's hard to miss, almost reminding him of a grapefruit. It's the boy's height and backpack sagging on his narrow shoulders that made Seonghwa presume he's younger. Then there's the scowl on the boy's lips. It looked out of place on his small, charming face—all rosy lips and pristine skin. A face that has him staring a little too long. 

He's beautiful. A firefly among this dark hellscape of capitalism. The boy looked like he should be in school rather than a company gathering full of men going through their midlife crisis.

"Hongjoong!"

A third party interrupts. It's another one of those faces he keeps seeing but doesn't bother putting a name on. "Mr. Park" The man forces the boy to bow down. "I apologize, it won't happen again."

"It's alright." Seonghwa says too quickly, because he doesn't want to cause a scene, a little because he's curious at the boy who has his face down his shoes.

The two men stand back up, and the first thing the young man does is raise a scrutinizing brow at him. He could only smile in amusement by the show of attitude.

"I'm Kim Sujoong.” The older man interrupts, “Newly promoted HR head, it's nice to finally meet you Mr Park." Seonghwa accepts the handshake, eyes still subtly glancing the boy whom the man shoves forward lightly. "This is my son, Kim Hongjoong. C’mon boy, be polite to the CEO."

Seonghwa doesn’t know why he makes the initiative to extend his hand, to which the boy just snorts and roll his eyes at, surprising him for the third time that night.

“I’m sorry about him again,” Sujoong laughs nervously, and he could tell the other was embarassed. “But I can’t believe I finally get to meet the face of the company…”

Normally, Seonghwa would excuse himself politely in these kinds of situation, too fed up with the crystal clear sucking up of his employees. But the other boy’s presence kept him grounded on his feet that Seonghwa forces himself to listen to the older. All the time he glances at the touch of youth who was entertaining himself with his phone as his father rambled.

Beautiful.

At some point between the mundane talk, Kim excuses himself somewhere Seonghwa couldn’t give a damn to care about. But when he sees the older man drag his son with him, it's the impulsive bubble of courage that has him saying, "How about I give your son a tour around?” He suggests calmly. “It's not every day we have fresh young faces in the company."

Mr Kim seems to be delighted with the idea as he nods eagerly and ushers his son forward. The blue haired boy just huffs an irritated ‘ _fine’_ before following him.

The first time Seonghwa led Hongjoong to his office, he was stiff, ruminating why he even came up with the idea. But his little unease died down the moment he closes the doors of his office, and a mask drops from the boy’s face.

Hongjoong ran sprightly across the space, gawking at the interior. The young man didn’t even notice he almost knocked a lamp on the drawer, too awe-struck. Seonghwa wouldn’t blame him. It was a pretty nice office he curated himself from the furnitures to the decorations. Normally, he’d be hell bent over someone disturbing the neat arrangements, but for some reason that night, he doesn’t mind if Hongjoong misplaced half of the catalogues he spent hours organizing. In fact, Seonghwa smiles.

"This is a big office." The boy says promptly. "Do you have any games?"

Seonghwa couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sorry no." Watching Hongjoong seat himself on his Herman Miller chair, he should be irked, seeing someone so comfortable in his property, but Hongjoong looked adorable spinning himself with a grin that he just stood there, letting the boy be.

"How old are you?"

Seonghwa just came up with the question on the fly, hoping it will propagate to a talk that will keep the boy entertained. Frankly, it shouldn’t be a big deal, but he doesn’t know why his heart drops when Hongjoong answers, "I just turned 18."

Eighteen. Hongjoong is a teenager. There's a teenager in his office.

"How about you?" The other asks back, glancing at him briefly.

"I'm..." Seonghwa gulps. He's never been this unsettled with admitting his age. Seonghwa knows he’s the youngest one in his company, in fact one of the youngest executives in the entire damn country, and yet, here he was, a harmless question making him tongue-tied.

"I'm 27. Almost 28 actually." Seonghwa answers, to which the younger grimaces at.

"You're old."

Seonghwa chuckles. He is. "Not with the people in the company I'm not. Though I think my back is starting to ache sitting here half of the day." It’s the first time Seonghwa hears the other laugh and it has the corner of his lips twisting on its own. "What is a kid your age doing here Hongjoong?”

Hongjoong snickers before twisting himself on the seat again, legs hanging on the armrest. It made him look smaller all cramped up on the tiny space. "Dad made me attend. Thought it would make me love business by forcing me in a boring conference with braggy, old losers."

Seonghwa hopes he isn't one of those. "Do you like it?"

"Don't know." The younger replies boredly, "Just because I'm good at it doesn't mean I love it."

"The business or the men?"

"Hard to tell the difference between the two."

Seonghwa is impressed by the small exchange. If it were teenager him he would make a mess of himself stuttering in front of someone with high authority. But not Hongjoong, no. Hongjoong knew his way with words, and definitely not afraid to be playful with the way he was still swivelling himself on the seat.

"What do you like doing then?"

This time Hongjoong raises a brow. "And I should tell you because?"

Seonghwa blinks. Why should he tell him? Because he's the CEO? Because he’s older and holds a higher position than him? Because he has the power to fire his father on the spot?

"I...I don't know." is what all he manages to reply.

Hongjoong giggles, as if he found his answer the most amusing thing in the planet. The boy then immerses himself with the trinkets on his table. The snowglobe from Ireland. The Parker pens gifted by the maker of his Audi. His tiny, manicured fingers tapped each one of them with curiosity.

"Tell me what you like first." Hongjoong says, fishing out a lollipop from his pocket that he peels and pops into his mouth coolly. Suddenly, Seonghwa has the urge to impress the younger, but he fails grandly when his mouth opens and he answers the first thing in his mind.

"I like cleaning."

Hongjoong rests his chin on his palm. "You like cleaning?"

He should be embarrassed, but Seonghwa reminds himself he shouldn't be flustered in front of some teenager. "I do, is there something wrong with that?"

"You're a boring man Mr. Park." Hongjoong pokes the lollipop on his own lips. "But I like you."

Seonghwa should've known he was doomed when his heart skipped a beat at the words. But before he could even ponder on the first crash of restless wave, there's a knock on the door and Mr. Kim’s head peeks in.

"Son? I think you're already overstaying your welcome." Hongjoong's father gives him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry Mr Park, was he a handful?"

"No, no, of course not." He stands up to meet the man, “In fact I enjoyed his company.”

Hongjoong runs to his father’s side, bag bouncing on his back with every step. "What did you guys talk about?" The older asks.

Hongjoong turns to him, pulling out the candy with a loud pop that has his lips glistening with saccharine. "Mr Park was just talking about how I could visit here anytime so he could teach me the know-hows of the company.” The boy glances at him, smirking. “Right?"

Seonghwa froze, too shocked at the turn of events. Mr Kim as well with the way he brings a hand over his mouth, weathered eyes widening. The flattery is bleeding out of his face it's repulsive."I-Is this true?"

He knows he should say no. Dismiss it as nonsense. Call bullshit. But when his eyes meet with Hongjoong, head tilted to the side and tongue rolling against the candy, it has Seonghwa’s common sense swerving completely.

“Y-yes.” He clears his throat, “I mean if it's alright with you of course."

"I'd be honored." Mr Kim splutters, bowing to him. "This means a lot Mr Park. Hongjoong has always wanted to get into business. He passed all of his entrance exams and got into some good universities in Korea so you won’t be disappointed..."

Right, Seonghwa suddenly remembers eighteen year olds were still fresh highschool graduates. He tunes out to Mr Kim's rambling and focuses on Hongjoong instead, standing there innocently, tossing his lollipop from one cheek to another all the while grinning at him.

"...and this such a great opportunity you're offering us. Hongjoong," Sujoong turns to his son, who clearly wasn't paying attention as much as him. "What made you change your mind?"

Hongjoong simply shrugs, "Thought it would be fun."

Fun. Of course. Mr Kim seems satisfied with the answer when he starts retreating his steps, bowing endlessly. "Thank you for believing in my son, sir. I promise you he's going to be a good student."

Seonghwa nods, and hopes it doesn't betray the fact he's acting on the fly. "I don't want to see his potential wasted. I see a lot of things in store for him."

As Mr. Kim dragged the kid out of the office, Hongjoong looks back to him one more time and puckers his red stained lips as if to send a flying kiss his direction. It's supposed to be a playful gesture, something his friends would do to him too, but Seonghwa doesn't know why this one in particular makes heat flood his face.

Unbeknownst to him, he just made a deal with the devil at that very moment.

* * *

Seonghwa will never forget the first day.

The image is still crystal in his mind. Of Hongjoong’s ripped jeans, his colorful tie-dyed shirt and vibrant hair that made the boy stand out like a sore thumb. Hongjoong doesn’t seem to mind the stares he receives of his too casual wardrobe as they pace across the floor. Seonghwa remembers the younger unceremoniously dropping his bag on the ground and running across his workspace to casually throw himself over the leather couch.

At first, Seonghwa didn’t know what to do, a little overwhelmed by the other presence in the room. It’s all too vivid. The way Hongjoong rested his chin on the backrest. How his eyes glowed with the dayview from the transparent walls. It takes him a while to snap out from his daze and approach the boy with a clear of his throat, who only spares him a glance.

"I, uhm, I figured if you wanted to learn you can start with stocks? Here's a couple of books I used in college you can read. If that’s not your thing I have some videos you can watch but we usually give them to interns, so if you want, maybe I can arrange a tutor for y—"

"Bullshit."

Seonghwa blinks, taken aback. "I'm sorry?"

Hongjoong’s airy laugh rings in the room, making Seonghwa flustered. Did he do something wrong?

"Bullshit." Hongjoong repeats, wiping a nonexistent tear through the last fits of giggles. "You really thought I came here to learn about business?"

"What are you here for then?”

"Why did you do it?" Hongjoong answers back and he wasn’t used being talked back like this.

Seonghwa raises a brow. "Do what?"

"You know," Hongjoong smiles cheekily, "Played along the last time when I invited myself here. You could’ve called me out, told daddy I was lying. But you didn’t stop me. Do you like me Mr. Park?"

Seonghwa always knew his way with words—it’s what got him this life after all—but with Hongjoong, the boy seems to have an effect on him that has him pondering what to say first. Why did he do it? Because he felt like the boy belonged there? With him? Like a little splash of color in his gray life. He didn’t know. Seonghwa never really knew.

“I thought why not.” He excused, “I don’t see any harm letting you stay here as long as you don’t cause trouble. Besides, you seem like a good kid.”

"You're willing to have a kid you just met loiter around your office the whole summer?" Hongjoong stands up from the couch and sprints across the room to where his seat was, CEO label engraved. "Can I sit here?"

Seonghwa nods, watching the boy twirl himself on the seat with a chuckle before landing his feet to stop.

"I'm Hongjoong. I like music, reforming clothes and comfy chairs. I hate business and anything that has to do with numbers. _Oh!_ And I also love blueberries that's why I dyed my hair blue." Running his fingers through his hair, Hongjoong side eyes the treats on his desk. "Do you mind?"

Seonghwa just cocks his head and watches the other take one of the lollipops, throwing the plastic wrapper carelessly on the floor. There's a small moan as he takes out the treat out and puts it in his mouth, but the businessman convinces it's just him hearing things.

“Seonghwa." He takes Hongjoong’s outstretched hand and the tiniest electricity runs through him. "You can call me Seonghwa."

"Seonghwa." His name rolls off Hongjoong's tongue like velvet. “Nice to meet you.”

That’s how his life started.

Seonghwa can’t deny the allure of someone so young, so beautiful even if he knows Hongjoong isn’t that person for him. Sometimes it’s nice to think about the what ifs and maybes, but Seonghwa has long learned to be content with what he has and recognize the barriers of reality. Still, it doesn’t hurt to watch just a little. Hongjoong doesn’t seem to notice. Seonghwa keeps tabs on him, just to make sure the boy doesn’t hurt himself sewing, or when the boy unintentionally throws the console on the TV screen every time he loses a video game—or at least that’s the excuse Seonghwa uses. He’s a responsible adult after all.

Most of the time it’s just Hongjoong all splayed out on the carpeted floor, watching movies or scrolling away on his phone. But there are those days Hongjoong frolics with what he can get his hands on such as when Seonghwa had to buy another chair because Hongjoong seemed to love occupying his. Though that seemed to be a bad decision when the boy decided it was a good idea to roll himself around the room like it was some bumper car, and eventually knocking off a vase. The laugh they get from it is more priceless than the African antiquity.

"You never tried a burrito?"

"I’m not a fan of Mexican food, Joong." Seonghwa didn’t know when he started getting so comfortable with the other.

Hongjoong gasps, "You're a caveman! Give me your phone we're going to order one." Seonghwa casually slides his phone to the other. "A Verizon." Hongjoong’s bright eyes sparkle through the retina screen. "You own a Verizon and didn't tell me?!"

"Just make the order.”

He was too busy with his other phone that he doesn’t notice Hongjoong running to his side until their shoulders collided. "Hey, how do I pay?"

It's the first time they've been this physically close, and he could smell a whiff of Hongjoong’s scent. Something fleeting and fruity that has the hairs on his back tingling. He always thought the boy was good-looking, but from here Hongjoong looked even more lovely. Features boyish but soft on the edges. His blue hair looking soft to touch. _Pretty._

And that’s how their day will go. They would just talk when they have time, other than that they’ll mind their own business, Seonghwa with his job and Hongjoong with…whatever he was in the mood for the day. It's a miracle he even has time to spare to entertain the bubble of energy. But he finds himself dropping whatever task he's doing to talk to the younger.

At least, that’s how the first few weeks of Hongjoong’s stay went.

Seonghwa picked up Hongjoong’s charming little habit by the second week. Every day, unfailingly, Hongjoong would take one of the lollipops on his table. It was supposed to be a treat on the rare occasions when work partners bring their children with them, or maybe if he's craving a shot of sugar himself, but now they served a completely new purpose with Hongjoong consuming all of them.

"Lemon's ugly."

Hongjoong grimaces as he throws the fourth lollipop, his smile stretching when it shoots on the bin. Same fate went for the strawberry, milk and chocolate he taste-tested earlier. Hongjoong picks up the last one—blueberry, Seonghwa presumed from the blue wrapper.

"Hyungie…” Hongjoong waves the sweet across his face. “Will you try this for me?”

Unfortunately, Seonghwa’s occupied with finalizing his speech for tomorrow’s talk so he shakes his head with a tired smile. "I'm a little bit busy right now Hongjoongie. Maybe later when—"

But that didn't stop Hongjoong from shoving the dry candy inside his mouth. Seonghwa thought he'd gag at the sudden intrusion on his palates, but he’s able to get a taste of it before the former pulls it out of his mouth with an amused smile.

"How was it?" he asks innocently, like he didn’t just almost choke him to death with a lollipop.

Seonghwa would reprimand the younger, but the way Hongjoong was pursing his lips made it impossible for him to even raise his voice so he coughs out a “It tastes good.” before going back to work.

But all thoughts of work flies out his mind when Hongjoong does the unexpected and puts the same lollipop—the one that was in Seonghwa’s mouth seconds ago, his saliva still evidently glossed around it—and sucks on the blue candy hard, slurping on it, eyes never leaving his.

"You're right Mr Park." Hongjoong sneers, “Blueberry tastes good.”

The next day he had his secretary buy a whole pack of them. The light on Hongjoong's eyes was worth every cent.

Another thing Seonghwa learned about Hongjoong was his love for altering clothes. Reforming, kids call it these days. Hongjoong would lay out fabrics, bags, sometimes shoes. By now, his side of the office looks like an art studio Hongjoong would use to draw, spray, sew diligently. It’s fascinating how his talented hands could turn ragged clothes into something that looked like it could belong in the runway.

Sometimes Hongjoong would ask for his opinion here and there. For colors, patterns, even letting Seonghwa draw. Now he doesn’t have the knack for art, so he understands when the younger calls his choices old-fashioned or lame, but Hongjoong uses his inputs anyway and shows off his creation with a satisfied grin.

And that’s what Seonghwa likes about him. Hongjoong is ridiculously adorable in toeing the line between being mischievous and good-natured that Seonghwa doesn't mind.

Though work becomes a barrier between them sometimes. It becomes a heavy reminder to where he really stands on the other's life. One particular day Seonghwa had a business meeting with a conglomerate in China to land some important deal that has him brushing up his Mandarin last minute. After two hours of staring at the screen, Seonghwa plops back to his chair, rubbing his straining eyes, but they widen the second he feels weight on his thighs that has him sitting back up once more.

"Hongjoong what are you—“

He's cut off when Hongjoong squirms on his lap, as if making himself comfortable on the spot. His small frame is pressed flush on his chest, and Seonghwa wants to cry at the overwhelming pressure on his crotch. Then he sees the younger pull out two swatches of cloth.

"Which one do you think is better? Can't choose."

Hongjoong looks behind his shoulder and their eyes meet. Their faces were so close. One wrong move and Seonghwa just knows he’s going to do something he’ll regret forever. He wriggles on his lap once again, and Seonghwa has to bite back his lip when it sends an unwarranted shiver all over his body.

“I was thinking the plaid would look good on the sleeves,” Hongjoong explains, as if he wasn’t making the other suffer on the spot. “But then I saw this pinstripe one and now I’m confused, so which one?”

The younger shifts again, wiggling his ass ever so discreetly and it feels like he's being punished for a crime he's about to commit. It has him gripping his chair tightly, small dents already forming on the leather armrest.

"The one—" he exhales, "The one on the left."

"This one, huh?" Hongjoong smirks. "How about this? Would you like it if I use this?"

Hongjoong brings the other swatch closer, simultaneously grinding his hips down. Every blood on Seonghwa’s body seems to run south at the movement. The question weighs heavy on shoulder, _on his lap,_ and the double meaning is making him lose his wits. He’s got two degrees in business _and_ law—why the hell can’t he answer such a simple question?

"I..."

The alarm signifying the end of his break goes off and Hongjoong jumps off. Seonghwa takes a moment to recover from what just happened, lulled with the sound of the other's whistling.

"Thank you Seonghwa hyung.” He singsongs.

Something changed from that day on. As if the last time Hongjoong was meekly testing waters, and now…now he's dipping his whole feet. Every day became torture. From the younger's relentless teasing, delivered through his playful words to his unsubtle touch. It’s driving Seonghwa insane. He knows he should stop. Stop Hongjoong from doing whatever he was doing before Seonghwa spirals into it.

It gets worse when Hongjoong puppy eyed his way into asking him to be the human dummy for his pieces. Hongjoong always seemed to insist to be the one to put the clothes on him, claiming ‘ _you might break them with your old, money hands’,_ to which Seonghwa snorts at. It's bearable when it's just a bag. A jacket he can throw over his shoulder. But this time it was a belt.

Seonghwa promptly clears his throat and averts his eyes to the ceiling. Anywhere but to Hongjoong who’s kneeling between his legs undoing his belt. If anyone were to walk in they’d get the wrong idea in a snap. Why did Hongjoong have to be in such a compromising position just to slide the belt on the loops of his trousers?

“Hmm…I think it will look good if I add a gold border.” Hongjoong mutters, hands on his hips to keep him still. Seonghwa makes the mistake of looking down, and he gulps. “What do you think?”

“I think you should get up before someone sees us.”

“Why?” Hongjoong circles his arms around his neck, “What would they see hyung?”

Seonghwa stares hard, pondering hard whether he should give the answer the other wants, or skirt along that line they’d been dancing around together for a while now. Thankfully Hongjoong doesn’t reply and instead picks up another set of interweaved belts that could only be a harness.

"Can you put it this on me?"

He barely catches the harness being thrown at him before Hongjoong turns around. Seonghwa cautiously wraps his arms around the other in a distanced backhug, wary if he’s overstepping the line, but he continues when Hongjoong guides his hands in locking the accessory in place around his body.

Seonghwa never knew he’d get to the point he’d playing dress up with a kid almost ten years younger than him, yet here he was, and something about it makes him laugh.

"Is it that ugly?” He hears Hongjoong snort.

“No, no…” Seonghwa amusedly shakes his head. “It’s actually really nice, Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong turns around to face him again, this time to pout. Fucking pout. "Just nice?"

If he could take a picture of that moment, he would. Of Hongjoong looking up at him with the prettiest eyes. The sunset that bled through the walls, lustering his ocean hair. To his embrace—the warmth it brought, the warmth _everywhere._ Seonghwa just knows if Hongjoong pays a little more attention, he’d hear how fast his heart was hammering against his chest.

"Perfect." Seonghwa momentarily breaks out of his trance to say, "You look perfect."

* * *

At some point he forgot about Mr Kim. The man becoming nothing but a means for him to check on the boy on days Hongjoong wouldn’t show up. Sujoong seems to be set for Hongjoong to follow his footsteps—a corporate slave. Seonghwa doesn't want the younger to deteriorate like him and lose his life to work in his twenties.

But maybe Seonghwa hadn’t lost all of his life after all. Not when he feels the erratic thump of his heart when he hears his office door open at eight in the morning every day. When there's a rush of energy pumping him up when he sees Hongjoong in his obnoxious clothes playing around. Wooyoung from sales even commented how he was acting weird. Seonghwa didn’t even need to ask because he knows. He knows he’s been acting off, his infamous indifference and frankness fading ever since Hongjoong came to his life.

Usually he’d just let Hongjoong be. Even if he was blasting a whole playlist or cursing loudly on the television, Seonghwa could still patiently admire the younger. But today isn’t one of those days. Someone fucked up an important proposal again that led him to exit the conference room in rage. Which explains why he feels irked hearing the unwarranted moans that resonated in the room from whatever movie Hongjoong was watching.

"Hongjoong..." Seonghwa pinches the bridge of his nose frustratedly. “What are you doing?”

"Right, they don’t have Netflix back in your time." The younger sasses, eyes fixated on the laptop screen which was still blasting a whole sex scene for everyone to hear.

"I know what Netflix is, but _please_ , keep the volume down. I'm in the middle of something."

"Pfft, killjoy." Insult aside, Hongjoong thankfully obeys and plugs his earphones.

For a second Seonghwa thought he can finally have some time to run through the agenda for his next meeting, until he hears another small whimper. He's about to reprimand the other again until he notices that the sound wasn’t coming from the device anymore, but from Hongjoong who's propping himself with his elbows, hands travelling down under his shorts. The younger’s back is against him, but he could clearly see the slightly parted legs and the cargo shorts loosened below his slim waist, just enough to slip a hand under them. A moan. When he moves back from his chair, that’s when he sees it.

Hongjoong was touching himself.

Seonghwa's mouth goes dry at the sight of the small hand moving up and down on his length, the thumb rubbing over the swollen head. Hongjoong lets out an obscene moan, his small frame arching to his touch. He feels like a pervert watching this, but Hongjoong shouldn’t even have the audacity to do such a thing inside his office. Was he aware Seonghwa was still there? Was Hongjoong doing this on purpose?

Hongjoong’s breathy whimpers echoed lightly across the air, each one knocking Seonghwa’s self-control like a punch in the stomach. His own arousal stirred under his pants and it's hard to ignore when Hongjoong was out here, secretly putting a show for him. It’s a challenge to resist the pull to go there. To hear more of those dirty, little noises. To see his face. To _help_ him _._

When Hongjoong cums, there's spurts of white painting his hand. Seonghwa feels his soul leave his body when the boy's small body quivered as he rides out his high, and his mind could only paint a thousand images of what Hongjoong looks like climaxing, leaving a pulse of desire to course through his body. The younger is quick to recover when he stealthily zips up his pants and gets up in record time.

"Hyungie you have some wet tissues?"

Seonghwa’s pretends he didn’t care, until he catches a glimpse of Hongjoong who looked so fucked out, skin glowing, and azure hair matted on his forehead even in the cool temperature. It has him clumsily pushing the box of tissues across his table.

The kid isn't even trying to be discreet when he leans forward and smirks. "Thank you, Mr Park."

There was no way Hongjoong doesn’t know what he’s doing. It couldn't all be in his head. Not with the way Hongjoong's gazing at him. Not when Hongjoong spent every single moment of the day trying to rile him up in the subtlest way possible. He was sure of it. Seonghwa never thought he’d sink this low that he’s attracted to a goddamn teenager when he’s almost thirties. But he can’t bring himself to regret it, because Hongjoong is probably the only person that Seonghwa can genuinely say he liked.

Still, the image of Hongjoong in his highschool uniform looms heavy on his mind.

"How's Hongjoong?” Mr Kim tips the edge of the mug on his lips, and Seonghwa watches distastefully as he consumes the sad excuse of caffeine. “I hope he's behaving. He’s learning from the best after all."

Learn. Seonghwa wants to laugh. If they could call playing around, watching movies or sewing clothes as _learn_ then yes, Hongjoong was indeed learning a lot.

This was the usual template of their talks. Either one of them will ask how Hongjoong was, then Seonghwa forces himself to listen the old man ramble, depending how long his mouth could tolerate the shitty canteen coffee, before coming up with an excuse to leave. But today, he stays a little longer when the other brings up about Hongjoong getting into the business scene.

"What do you mean?" Seonghwa mused. It was the first time he showed interest to Kim’s words.

Sujoong snickers, "Between you and me, we've been fighting about this for a while now. Kid wanted to get some useless art degree out of the country. One of those top universities. Hongjoong’s good in doodling sure, but like you’d even make money from those, right?"

There’s something about the man’s sarcastic remark that makes Seonghwa grind his jaw. "Well if he loves doing it maybe it’s not that useless.”

  
“Sure. If he wants to end up like those, pardon my language, piss-poor hipsters on the streets. These days we have to be realistic you know. That’s why I want my Hongjoong to be successful while he’s young like you. I mean, look at you sir, The Park Seonghwa. Topping the state exams and one of the youngest firm owners in the country.” Sujoong clicks his tongue. “Now _that’s_ a job.”

Seonghwa knows he should leave. The coffee’s coming off too cold and leaving a terribly bitter aftertaste in his tongue now, but it doesn’t sit right just walking out like that. Not when Hongjoong is being insulted by his own flesh and blood like this.

“I still don’t see why you’re against the kid doing what he likes, he seems to have a knack for it. Not everything revolves around money you know.”

Mr Kim shakes his head and pats him on the shoulder. "Ah, young men like you wouldn't understand Mr Park. Wait till you find a woman to settle with."

Seonghwa doesn’t want to know how that even adds up and politely excuses himself out of the break room before he says something he won’t be able to take back. When he comes back to his office, Hongjoong is on his spot playing with some jenga blocks.

"What did daddy dearest tell you?" The younger asks while carefully dropping a wooden piece on the stack.

"Everything but the fact you're just loitering in my office." Seonghwa jokes, making the younger laugh. Cute.

Hongjoong leaves his toy to sprint towards him, the oversized sweater bouncing on his lithe frame. Then he clings to him like the usual, and until now it’s too early for Seonghwa to say he’s used to the joy of it.

"Being an adult is boring." The sweater paws are adorable. _Hongjoong_ is adorable. "All you do is get old, make money and work till you die. You lose your humor too!"

Seonghwa gives him a look, "I thought so too when I was your age. You'll understand when you get there."

"I'd rather have you as my daddy, you're way nicer to me."

A damn tease as usual.

It’s this thing between them. This _thing_ where they’d been prancing on the line for so long. Seonghwa wants to stop, too scared of what lies ahead if he as much as makes a bold move, but at the same time he wants to slow down, to ease himself from spiraling into Hongjoong. It was when he first invited Hongjoong over to his place—a penthouse suite in the center of the city—when his resolve started to crumble. It started like a small push of a wheel on what he thought was a rough terrain, not knowing what lies ahead was a steep cliff he can’t escape from.

After the younger kept whining ‘ _i wanna go to your place pretty please’_ nonstop along with a plethora of complaints how the office was getting boring, Seonghwa finds himself giving in to his whims. Admittedly it feels nice seeing someone else in this box he lives in. Seonghwa could never really call it home. There’s too much loneliness of a bachelor evident in it—careless hook-ups, alcoholic mistakes and depression looming in the air. It makes Seonghwa sick sometimes. Maybe it’s why he slaves away his days in the company as an excuse away from the misery.

But seeing Hongjoong there mesmerized, decorating the room with his presence, illuminating every corner with the curious glimmer of his eyes and his laugh--maybe, just maybe, Seonghwa can call it home. There’s been more life in the suite for the last five minutes than it did the past five years.

Hongjoong throws himself on his bed. A king-sized that was never really exploited for its size. Until now. “It’s so soft hyung.” he giggles, nuzzling his face on the stark-white pillows. The boy sits up, blanket over his head, “Hyung, come here!”

Before he could even take a step, Hongjoong stands up and pulls his arm forward, bringing them both tumbling down the bed. Seonghwa feels the throbbing of his pulse against his skin as he relishes on the newfound warmth in his restplace. “Hyung…” Hongjoong whines, “Can we play tonight?”

Seonghwa brushes a loose strand away from his face. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well, it involves a lot of sweating and blindfold.” All sorts of improper thoughts started flooding his mind and he just knows Hongjoong was messing with him on purpose when he throws his head in a laugh to say, “I mean hide and seek silly.”

Of course Seonghwa couldn’t say no. So they play. They play until Seonghwa stubs his toe on the edge of the bed and Hongjoong is cackling. They play until the younger was drenched in sweat from hiding under the couch. They play until both of them are a tangled mess when Seonghwa lifts an unsuspecting Hongjoong to his bed, who thrashes on his hold.

When they lay there, Seonghwa takes a moment to admire the other. Admire Kim Hongjoong, the enigma that came in his life without warning. Sweeping him off his feet with a force that always leaves him wanting more. Needing more.

“Gonna shower now.” Hongjoong sprints to the bathroom.

It shouldn’t have been a big deal, until he hears the shower go on, and it hits him. A door away was Hongjoong, naked and taking a shower, on his own bathroom. Seonghwa tries to will away every indecency his brain supplies, choosing to walk around in circles in his room to distract himself.

It feels like forever when he hears the water stop, and Seonghwa sighs in relief. But just when he thought his suffering was over, out came Hongjoong, wearing nothing but a white robe. His protruding collar bones were showing, as well as a small cleavage, the robe only covering half of his legs revealing those soft, silky thighs for him to see.

“I’m sleepy.” Hongjoong groans as he throws himself back on the bed, body bouncing against the mattress. By the next minute, the younger was knocked cold, poor thing probably exhausted.

Seonghwa was immediately drawn to the sleeping figure. He couldn’t help it. There was too much skin unravelled by the loose robe that his eyes unconsciously wander on Hongjoong’s gorgeous body. Not too much bones and fat. The small dip on his waist made him slightly curvy up to his flat stomach. His legs, god his legs looked like a dream. Hongjoong looked peaceful sleeping. Innocent. _Tempting._

Seonghwa shakes his head before running to the bathroom and locking himself in. The sprays of water on his face does nothing to calm him down, and even when he stares at himself through the mirror, he could see the distress and frustration marring on his forehead. What was he doing? Thinking of a teenager’s body like that.

His attention suddenly lands on Hongjoong’s discarded sweater on the floor. He _knows_ he should leave it there, call it a night and sleep in the couch, anywhere away from the younger, but Seonghwa loses to his demons when he brings the sweater to his nose, inhaling the lingering smell. It's intoxicating, sending him in a trance that has him ridding his clothes, hopping in the shower, and palming around the hardness that he didn’t know was there all along.

Seonghwa thrusts into the closed fist of his hand, imagining what it would like if it were someone’s hands, someone’s mouth, blue hair moving back and forth between his legs as he fantasizes being swallowed down whole. It wasn’t his fault. Hongjoong did this to him. The boy had been nothing but irresistibly enticing, driving him on the edge then pulling him back in with a bat of those innocently pretentious eyes. It’s all on Hongjoong, Hongjoong, _Hongjoong…_

When he releases into his own hand, Seonghwa bites his lips, eyes glassed with tears. The guilt and disgust eat him away just shortly.

* * *

Seonghwa avoids Hongjoong like a plague, coming in late and getting out early just so he could have an excuse to send the other home. In hindsight, it was probably stupid and Hongjoong is a smart kid to know if his presence is unwanted, which probably why he didn’t visit today. With his absence, Seonghwa’s been spacing out way more than necessary, until the telephone’s ring snaps him back to reality.

"Good morning. Is this Park Seonghwa?" A woman's voice.

"Speaking."

"This is the head of Anyang High. We need you to come over."

Seonghwa raises a brow. Transactions like these usually go to his secretary first, so to have a school directly reaching out for him was odd. "I'm sorry but did you have an appointment scheduled that I might have missed?"

There was a short static, before the woman answers. "I apologize for such a short notice, but Kim Hongjoong wrote you as his guardian here. If you are busy I could just try calling his father again."

Hongjoong.

Seonghwa left his office before she could even explain. When he arrived, a couple of summer class students were gawking at him in his corporate suit glory, but he’s not here for the attention and brisk walks to the principal’s office where he found a grim-looking Hongjoong sitting tightly across a woman.

"Ah, you must be Mr. Park come in."

Seonghwa runs to the boy’s side immediately. "What happened? Did he get hurt?"

"Oh no," The woman chuckles, "He just got himself in trouble after being caught spray painting one of the bathroom stalls. Now I know he’s not part of the summer class program, but he is still part of the school. Nothing serious, just a minor violation of policy."

"Policy my ass." Hongjoong grumbles under his breath.

Seonghwa's eyes widen, glancing nervously at the principal. "I apologize on his behalf. How much is the damage?" Hopefully he has some _paper_ bills in his wallet somewhere.

Hongjoong storms out with that, slamming the door at his exit. Thankfully, there weren't any major consequences other than a warning, to which he signed a few papers for before leaving. Outside, Seonghwa sees the younger with a spray can in his hand, moving it against the bumper of his car.

"Hongjoong!"

Seonghwa grabs his wrist, but Hongjoong retaliates by throwing the spray at his direction, barely missing contact with his shoulder before the boy comes running to his arms. Then…he cries. It's the first time he saw Hongjoong cry. None of the cocky front he likes to put on or the playfulness Seonghwa was used to. Just a sad, vulnerable boy in his arms.

"I hate them. I hate school." The boy fisted on his suit, weakly punching him in the chest as he sobbed. Hongjoong felt even smaller like this.

"Hey it's okay, you did nothing wrong." Seonghwa reciprocates the embrace, letting his dress shirt get soaked with tears.

"I-I just wanna do what I want to do. Dad put me on this dumb school to go into some stupid business school and I hate it. I really, really hate it Seonghwa hyung…”

The drop on Hongjoong’s voice dents his chest. The sadness in it was so genuine. Seonghwa could only imagine the suffering the younger had to go through after being forced in a box his father trapped him into. "Hey, look up." Seonghwa lifts the younger's chin to face him. Pretty even in tears. “It’s gonna be alright. I’m here for you, berry.”

"Berry?" Hongjoong sniffles, a pout forming on his lips. "Is it because I'm small?"

Seonghwa chuckles, pressing a kiss on his temple. It’s an innocent gesture, and fortunately Hongjoong doesn’t question the impulsiveness of it. He hadn’t meant for the name to slip out. It was a fleeting idea that crossed his mind from time to time, thinking it how much it suited Hongjoong. His blue hair. His sweetness. The slight tang of boldness. Rough on the edges with mischief but ripe of talent and sprit inside. His _berry._

"What do you say we get out of here and go do something you want?"

For once in his life Seonghwa felt like he did something right when he sees the smile on Hongjoong’s face.

When Seonghwa said they’d do _something he wants_ , he didn't expect Hongjoong to suggest getting shit faced in a club. It's been too long since he'd been inside one, the closest thing being a strip club his friend Yunho dragged him into on a bachelor's night. Even he had to leave there early, not really feeling anything but pity on the half-naked men and women flocking around him.

Hongjoong is a ball of fire in the dancefloor. Between the unghastly crowd of bodies, the blue-haired boy stood out like nebula for him. Singing his heart out to the hefty beats. Array of colors from the lights dancing on his face. Swaying his hips in a way that has Seonghwa taking large sips of his martini. Thank god he could hold his alcohol well, unlike Hongjoong who was drunkedly partying his life after a couple of shots. He’s pretty sure Mr Kim will gut him alive for even allowing his son to enter this high-end private club in Gangnam.

It’s hypnotizing, watching Hongjoong flying on his high, until he sees a stranger getting too close to him and Seonghwa automatically comes to the rescue bumping through the sweaty bodies.

“Hyungie!” Hongjoong shouts through the loud music, all half-lidded eyes and flailing arms. Drunk.

"Sorry have to take my brother home now." Seonghwa inwardly cringes at his choice of excuse.

"No, hyungie, he's nice!" Hongjoong whines, slotting his head between the crook of his neck and jaw. A pair of lips unintentionally contacts the sensitive spot there, making Seonghwa gasp.

"Brother?" The other man raises a brow, smirking. "Little bit old to be your brother there pretty."

Seonghwa grits his teeth at the petname the sleazy stranger throws on. “None of your business I believe.”

Hongjoong stands again, chuckling, and pokes a finger at the stranger’s chest. "Seonghwa’s old. But that's okay because he's handsome, hot and rich. He could literally buy this club if he wants to." Hongjoong turns to him, “Right hyungie? C’mon show him great you are.”

"Hongjoong." Seonghwa warns, hands gripping the other’s wrist tightly. He turns to the stranger one last time as he drags Hongjoong with him. "We really must get going."

"Okay, _hyung._ " The guy drawls mockingly.

When they go out, Hongjoong breaks free from his grasp to spin around the sidewalk. Seonghwa is torn between witnessing the younger make a fool of himself and remembering where the hell he parked his car.

"Hongjoong, hey, get yourself together."

Hongjoong just resorts to giggling in the middle of the street. In the end, Seonghwa has to carry the kid bridal style just so he could mount him in his car. The younger plops on the seat still giggling and he resists the urge to squish the other’s cheeks and coo at how cute he was even if drunk.

Seonghwa runs to the driver’s seat, eager to start the engine so he could take the boy home safely. But before he could even slot the keys in, Hongjoong gets on his lap, legs bent on each side of his hips, and crashes their lips together.

Hongjoong kisses like it's his last, all teeth and tongue and a mess of saliva. Breath-taking and addicting and warm...all at the same time. Seonghwa's hands find themselves around the younger who pulls him closer until their bodies are flush, the friction electric and alive between them. Every single bone in his body screamed wrong, wrong that he shouldn’t be kissing him like this, he’s drunk and he doesn’t know what’s going on, but when Hongjoong tilts his head so that he could brush his lips against Seonghwa’s, it’s like the pieces in his heart finally snaps itself in place.

It’s only when Hongjoong grinds down on him that Seonghwa grabs his last thread of morals and coarsely pulls himself apart from the other.

"Joong, w-we can't...you’re too young I'm—"

"And you're so fucking hot." Hongjoong finishes with a giggle. "Do you think I don't know how you look at me, hm? How you check me out when we're alone in the office. You want _me,_ hyung. Don’t even try to deny it because it’s so obvious. I'm not dense, Park Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa is speechless. Fuck he knows. Hongjoong knows and he can already hear the sirens ringing in his head. But he’s too distracted by the feel of Hongjoong’s mouth against his, a fire licking his insides as the other probes his it with his soft, sweet lips. Groaning, Seonghwa pulls away once more, a string of saliva breaking when they do.

"Hongjoong…Hongjoong, stop."

The younger cocked his head to the side, "Stop?" His hips worked their magic, pulling Seonghwa firmly against himself.

"Oh-fuck," An embarrassingly loud moan escaped his lips when the younger bit down hard on the junction between his shoulder and neck, rutting his hips up against his, "Hongjoong, don't-"

"And why exactly do you want me to stop? You seem to be enjoying this."

"B-because, this is wrong… _fuck,_ Hongjoong listen to me!" Seonghwa moved his arms to push at Hongjoong's chest as hard as he could, and it worked, as he successfully managed to free himself and move Hongjoong back to the adjacent seat. They were getting riled up, but it was nothing compared to what would surely happen if they went on like this.

"Hongjoong?” Seonghwa checks on the other who was staring at him blankly with a drunk blush.

Then Hongjoong passes out.

Seonghwa felt like he was being buried alive while he drives the boy to his house. Thankfully Mr Kim was not there, so he carries the drunk boy upstairs to where he assumed his bedroom was. Hongjoong was clingy, refusing to let go even if Seonghwa already tucked him to bed, but he knows where his limits stand and tears himself apart the younger until he walks out of the room.

He looks back at the sleeping boy one last time before locking the door.

What has he done?

* * *

Hongjoong doesn't come the day after. Or the day after that. The only string of assurance he got was when Mr Kim texted him that the younger was down with a cold. Seonghwa immediately arranged a doctor to be sent to their place, covering everything he needed to take so he could recover fast.

Still, it has Seonghwa on his nerves. What if Hongjoong told someone? The kid was unpredictable, it would instantly be in the news and the career he built from ground up would instantly be in shambles. It's killing him. He's anxious as he stares blankly ahead the view from his office, growing stack of unread proposals on his table.

The ringing of his phone has Seonghwa flinching. "Who's this?" he answers shakily.

"Kim Sujoong is with his son Mr Park, should I let them in?"

Seonghwa feels a lump forming behind his throat. "Go ahead."

This is it, anytime the cops are going to come here and cuff him on the ground. All because he couldn’t get his stupid urges under control. He’s a molester. He kissed an eighteen-year old and liked it. No, _loved_ it.

But all his worries dissipate when he was greeted by a smiling Mr Kim and a bored looking Hongjoong trailing behind him. "I'm sorry for his absence the past few days. He was sick for some reason, but we really appreciate for the doctors you sent sir." The man bows.

"Of course, no problem." Seonghwa replies, but everyone knows where his attention was.

"Now, son.” Mr Kim turns to the boy, “You have work to make it up to the boss, be good okay."

Hongjoong just gives an irritated look before dropping his bag on the floor. "Whatever."

They were left alone together once more. Hongjoong walks to his table first, picking up a blueberry lollipop.

Seonghwa noticed the other wasn’t acting any different, so he stiffly resigns himself back to his workspace. All the while Hongjoong’s eyes were on him, as if the boy was reading him, calculating his every move, but he doesn’t say anything other than munch on the lollipop loudly. His stare is unnerving, making Seonghwa’s heart palpitate and sweat even in the cool room. Hongjoong continues watching him until the last bits of the sweet melts on his mouth, a faint shade of blue painting the inside of his lips.

"Are you feeling better now?" Seonghwa breaks the silence. The lack of response makes him look up, and he didn’t even notice the other was already running to his side.

“What are you doing?” Seonghwa is frozen on his feet when Hongjoong forces him to stand up to pull him in an embrace, nuzzling his face against his chest. He’s too stunned to even reciprocate the hug, as if touching the boy would burn his hand, the flames of his errant actions a week ago consuming him alive.

"Missed you." Hongjoong looks up, “I can’t believe you’re just going to ignore me like that after that night hyungie.”

It’s like Seonghwa’s soul leave his body. He looks around, double checking if the door is locked and if anyone could see through the blinds. Then he diverts his attention back to Hongjoong who’s smiling ever so sweetly at him. It’s crazy. This is crazy. Hongjoong is driving him crazy.

"You remember?" Seonghwa tries to remain calm, but the break in his voice gives it away. "Hongjoong, I’m so, so sorry, you were drunk and I should’ve been a more responsible. If…if you want to get counselled I completely und—“

He's cut off by a pair of lips on his, effectively shutting him up. Hongjoong was just as sweet as he remembers. The artificial blueberry is strong, but it doesn’t shadow the raw taste of the other’s mouth, the way it's intoxicating and delicious. And this, this was all Seonghwa needs. He’d been tethering on the edge the entire time for this.

"How could I even forget hyung." Hongjoong pulls back with a smile. “Couldn’t forget how you taste. I spent all my sick days trying to recover just so I could do this again.”

Seonghwa feels his knees weakening. This can’t be happening. This shouldn’t be happening. He tries again. “Hongjoong, you don’t know what your doing. I—“

Hongjoong’s mouth shuts him up again. This time a moan slips from his mouth, and he feels a tongue curl around his and _god,_ Hongjoong tastes like many things—his favorite chocolate, sunsets, the sugar on his coffee, _blueberry_. Kissing him—more than anything—felt exhilarating and special. Forbidden things taste the sweetest and indeed, it was.

Seonghwa lifts Hongjoong up, the younger's legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. It's enthralling how easy it is to carry Hongjoong to his table, seating him down there as he continues to dig deeper, to kiss like he’s drowning in Hongjoong’s air. They only stop to take a breath, foreheads pressed together as they lazily smile on each other, panting.

"But your dad." Seonghwa sighs, "Everyone might find out."

"You’re such an old man,” Hongjoong giggles, fiddling with his tie. “No one will find out silly. With our age, they won't even suspect it."

“Hongjoong, you don’t understand. This…” he huffs, “This will ruin your life. I can take the fall but you…berry I don’t want you to be hurt, it’s too risky. Your dad works for me, someone—someone could see us and the first thing they’ll see is their CEO harassing a kid.”

“So you don’t want me?” Hongjoong challenges, “Is that what you’re saying?”

“No, fuck Hongjoong, I’ve always wanted you. Y-you don’t understand how much I want this, want _you._ ”

Hongjoong traces a finger across his jaw. “And I want you too, hyungie…C’mon you’ll never know unless you try. It'll be our secret Seonghwa."

Seonghwa didn’t know why he trusted the other so easily. He’s ten fucking years older than the other for christ’s sake, the adult between the two of them with ten more years worth of experience that should be enough to shed light of the gravity of this _thing_ between them. But as Hongjoong peppers kisses across his cheeks, his face, his _lips,_ his steel revolve crumbles before his eyes. He’s only a weak, weak man. He could shoulder the blame and shame if anyone found out, but for now all that matters is Hongjoong.

Their secret. But why does it feel like it was more his than Hongjoong’s.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first, let me get this out of the way, this is not a sugar daddy fic lmfao tw: there’s **smoking.** okay carry on

“Can we buy this?”

Seonghwa hands the shopping bag to his guard. He feels a little bad the buff guy had to carry it with the other five ones in his arms, but Seonghwa reminds himself he’s being paid to do this. Hongjoong taps him on the arm, pointing at the stark white shoes again on the front display of the store.

Since when did template shoes became unreasonably pricey? Still, Seonghwa pulls out one of his cards. Money was never the problem and he did promise they’ll buy everything Hongjoong needs for his portfolio.

Hongjoong makes an unintelligible noise between a squeak and a scream. “This is so cool! I’ve always wanted one but dad won’t let me buy it.” Hongjoong clings to his arm, and the cashier swiping his card smiles briefly at them.

Seonghwa wants to know what the lady was seeing. If it looked like an older brother—worse, an _uncle,_ treating their little brother and not an older man giving in to his young lover’s whims. Seonghwa knows he isn’t old, but there’s just a certain innocence to Hongjoong, put-on or not, something angelically juvenile to the way Hongjoong conducts himself.

Maybe not that innocent since the next thing he knows he was being dragged inside the dressing room where Hongjoong meets his lips in a searing kiss. This is what he’s talking about. It’s like Hongjoong knew what he’s doing, at the same he didn’t. It's been too long since Seonghwa dated. At least that’s what he thought what they’d been doing. Dating.

Their first _date_ was something he'll never forget. Hongjoong insisted they go to the movies, and somewhere between the protagonist flying bullets across the screen, Seonghwa has a lap full of Hongjoong, tongue down each other's throat, as the other ever so discreetly gyrates his hips down on him. Seonghwa’s awkward with his hands, too scared to touch the boy as if it would burn him. But he remembered tuning out the loud bass of the cinema to focus on the breathy whimpers and hooded eyes of the blue-haired boy sitting on him.

Once satisfied, Hongjoong got off his lap, grinning. "Hyung, pay attention to the movie, okay?"

When they leave the theatre, Seonghwa struggled to hide the tent in his pants.

It didn’t stop there. Whenever Seonghwa would take his bathroom breaks at the office, he’ll be surprised to find the boy already waiting there for him, pulling him by tie to the nearest stall and kicking it close to kiss the living daylights out of him. Safe to say Hongjoong is the reason everyone at the board meeting was a little confused as to why their CEO returned with his tie looser, and hair scruffier than when he left.

“Joong, you can’t—you can’t keep doing this.”

“But you were taking too long.” Hongjoong pouts, forcing him to sit on the lid of the toilet to straddle him and pry his mouth open with a lick of his bottom lip.

God, this is what Seonghwa has been waiting for. What he has been dying for. What he would die for.

Clearly, Hongjoong became friskier around him. Even in the midst of drowning in countless contracts to sign he’ll hear cries of ‘ _hyung help me’_ and Seonghwa doesn’t understand why he falls for it every time but he’ll immediately rush to the boy’s side, only for the younger to smirk deceitfully and drag him down the carpeted floor to loop him into cuddles.

There’s days Hongjoong would come in the office wearing things straight out of his fantasies. Shirts plunging too low, shorts revealing too much skin, everything that makes his fingers twitch to touch.

“Does this look okay?”

Seonghwa’s throat almost constricts on air on what meets him. This time it was half a skirt layered over his pants, the dark trousers leaving nothing to the imagination with the plaid prominently decorating his slim waist. It’s harmless little things like this that has Seonghwa taking long cold showers to will away his unsaintly desires, trying to resist the other.

Yet, sometimes Hongjoong was a mystery he couldn’t solve.

There were days Hongjoong wouldn’t show up. Even with the dynamics of their newfound rapport, Seonghwa knows the boy isn’t obligated to be by his side every day, but there’s that unsettling void in his workroom, in his house, that only Hongjoong’s presence could fill and sometimes he wonders where Hongjoong disappears to.

And when he’d show up the next day, he’d notice Hongjoong would be a little wearied, taking the first chance to throw himself on the couch and doze off. He’ll snap at him for no reason too, throw an unwarranted fit and push him away when he as much asked what was wrong. Eventually, Seonghwa got used to it, he always did. But even he knows when he’s overstepping or just simply worried.

Hongjoong hadn’t showed up for the last two days, doing some _work_ he never elaborated on, so safe to say Seonghwa brightens up when he finally sees the boy.

"Y-you're back early." Hongjoong’s surprised, clearly not expecting his presence, and Seonghwa notices how the other was crouched over his desk as if he’d been caught off-guard searching for something.

“Were you looking for something?” Seonghwa offers, but his smile falters when Hongjoong moves his arm and winces. Something trails out on the spot where Hongjoong hits his hand. Blood. "Berry are you bleeding?"

He rushes to his side immediately ushering him to hold out his hand, to which Hongjoong glares at him for. “I’m not.”

Seonghwa doesn’t buy it and grabs the younger’s wrist, and that’s when he sees the shallow wound running across his palm. "I told you it's fine.” Hongjoong grumbles, pulling his arm away. “I just got in a misunderstanding. No biggie."

The wound didn’t seem self-inflicted. But who would dare to hurt Hongjoong like this? Was it his dad? A friend? Is this the reason he’d been coming home tired?

"Who was it?"

Hongjoong snickers, "Then what? You're going to file a lawsuit or something?"

"I can do that you know." Seonghwa answers matter-of-factly.

"Christ you're annoying." Hongjoong turns his back on him but he’s fast enough to grab the younger’s wrist. Seonghwa stares deep into Hongjoong’s eyes as he kisses the injured hand, and the boy seems taken aback with the gesture, blinking curiously at him, before averting his eyes.

"J-just give me some cash for some bandaids.”

“No need berry.” Seonghwa chuckles lightly and drags a chair for Hongjoong to sit in. Poor thing was probably looking for the first aid kit. “I’ll take care of it.”

Between nursing his hand and making sure he was rested, Hongjoong sniffles all of a sudden. Innately, Seonghwa reaches out a hand to pat his head and Hongjoong shifts and snuggles against the hand, sighing contentedly. The older runs his fingers through the blue strands as the boy blinks tiredly at him. "Feels nice. Thanks, hyung…"

Hongjoong never brought up why he cried. Seonghwa doesn’t have the courage to ask him anyways, too well-aware the other would wave away the notion just like last times.

Hongjoong had become a regular visitor of his suite that security just lets him pass, all accustomed with the top floor bachelor’s young friend. Hongjoong made a home of his place, his little corner in the suite always full of soul. At this point he was used to seeing the younger slipping into his shirts, and every time Seonghwa just smiles how adorable the other looks drowning in his clothes with one sleeve hanging off his narrow shoulders.

"Need you." Hongjoong whines into his chest, pushing him to bed.

Seonghwa instinctively wraps his arms to spoon him. It’s the first time Hongjoong would be staying over at his place—probably going through hell from his father just to escape a night. Consequently, it was the first time they'll be sharing a bed, and something about it has his heart thumping a little faster. The once cold, ivory blankets he lied on for years was now saturated with warmth.

"You're staring again."

Seonghwa chuckles, “Can't help it...You’re cute."

"You're not too bad yourself.” The younger wiggles his eyebrows, and Seonghwa was about to throw another compliment until he remembers something.

"Someone from marketing almost saw us yesterday. We should tone it down when we’re at the office."

He knows Hongjoong wasn’t listening, too occupied with tangling their legs under the duvet. "Not my fault you looked hot when you slick your hair back.”

"Is that why you like me?"

"I like that you're rich and old." Hongjoong quips and there’s a dull ache in his chest that makes him frown. "Kidding hyung, you should've seen your face. Hmm…” Pursing his lips, Hongjoong gazes up to him, "I like how you take care of me even if you don't need to."

"Well, the least I could do is give you adult supervision. " He jokes, and the younger boops his nose against his chin in retaliation.

"Bout you, what did you like about me?"

Seonghwa doesn’t know where to start nor begin.

He could sing a song, write sonnets, orchestrate a play and it still won’t be enough to describe how Hongjoong’s presence makes his day. The boy was a splat of rainbow on what once was his dull, grey life—the rosiness of his lips, the olive green of his sweaters, the indigo of his jeans. To him, Hongjoong was a nebula. Always exploding. Always shimmering and vivid.

Even as Hongjoong falls asleep in his arms, Seonghwa couldn’t help but think how easy it is to fall for him like this.

The next morning, Seonghwa woke up with Hongjoong draped all over his chest. His eyes trace the contours of the boy’s lithe body, the gentle slope of his spine, the curve of his bottom, the lean lines of his thighs and calves. But the self-disgust forces him to avert his eyes away in an instant and Seonghwa carefully tried to remove himself from the other so he could cook them both breakfast.

But that didn’t go as planned when Hongjoong pushes his ass back against him and Seonghwa freezes.

"Good morning." Hongjoong said against his neck, hips grinding lazily as he woke up slowly. "Worked up this early?"

Seonghwa was going to protest, saying that Hongjoong was already hard when he woke up, but the word died in his mouth when Hongjoong lowered his pajamas and grabs his hand to shove it inside his underwear. Hongjoong was hot and stiff on his hand, and the boy reels into his touch as he grinds between his palm and back to his clothed member at the expense of a groan.

“Hongjoong...” Seonghwa sighs, but the other only responded with an assuring hush and continued grinding his bottom on his growing hard-on. “Is this okay?”

Hongjoong tapped his lips to shush him, promising that it was all alright. “Touch me."

Seonghwa groans as he tugs at Hongjoong’s length softly, slowly rolling his hips again with every heavy sigh escaping the other’s lips. It was taking all Seonghwa not to take off his pants, to slide between those thighs, but he knows better than to scare the boy away. No not now, not now when Hongjoong was the one rutting against him shamefully.

Hearing Hongjoong climax up close was music to his ears. Seonghwa follows later, grinding his arousal ever so gently on the bare skin until he spills inside his boxers.

From then on it was as if there’s a solid shift between their nameless relationship.

What was once an affair behind closed doors transcended beyond the four walls of his suite and office. Before, Seonghwa’s job was nothing but a code in his program he executes, a supposedly significant part of him that he brainwashed himself into thinking as a reason to live, if not for himself, for everyone depending on him. But now it was like he was giving it all for Hongjoong. Seonghwa had a newfound purpose to work hard, to _keep_ working, because what Hongjoong wants, Hongjoong will get.

But instances where the two valuable things in his life clash together were unavoidable. As much as he wants to give his undivided attention to Hongjoong, work keeps getting in between them. But when it does, the younger always find ways to get him back.

“You're working again."

Seonghwa is. "I'm not, I just have to reply to this email then we can get back playing your card game."

The boy doesn't seem convinced, and grabs his phone, ignoring his indignant cry to return it. Seonghwa could scold him again but Hongjoong kissed him feverishly that all thoughts of work vanish from his mind. Hongjoong kisses him until his lips are bruised, until all he could hear was the other’s breathing on his own and he's aching under his pants. It feels far too restrictive, the pressure against his groin excruciating as Hongjoong sits on it.

But what catches his attention is Hongjoong dropping on his knees, sliding between his parted legs to tug on the hem of his pants.

"What are you doing?" Seonghwa grabs his wrist. "Stop."

Rolling his eyes, Hongjoong just swats his hand away. Seonghwa’s pants were off in record time and before he could get away, there’s a mouth on the fabric of his boxers, the wetness of Hongjoong’s tongue making Seonghwa gasp and lose himself.

“Don’t—” He’s cut off when the other suctions on the hardness. "D-do you even know what you're about to d— _ah,_ fuck.”

Hongjoong hooks a finger on his boxer, smirking. "More than you ever will."

His cock springs forward, hard and leaking as expected, and Hongjoong takes a moment to stare at it, as if he was frozen at the sight. Seonghwa wanted to pull away, tell the other he wasn’t ready until Hongjoong stretches his lips over the head and drags his tongue underside, pushing his cock shallowly past his teeth before pulling himself back to do his tongue into the slit. Hongjoong cup his tongue against the head and lets saliva falls onto the hardness, and Seonghwa’s hands naturally find their way into the younger’s hair with a groan.

“F-fuck, god Hongjoong.” Seonghwa’s curses hotly, twisting his fingers around the length of the other's blue hair and tugging gently. His hips move on their own when he thrusts carefully into that tight cavern with as much self-control as he can muster, sharp jolts of pleasure spiking through him as he fists the other's blue locks callously.

Seonghwa groans when Hongjoong sucks him deeper, mouth warm and wet and so nice around him, who swallows his cock easily, watching the younger flutter his pretty lashes with a grin. Really, it should be a crime to look so innocent with a whole cock in your mouth but Hongjoong made it work.

His entire body felt like it’s being swallowed in a fire that makes his toes curl in pleasure. He has a gentle hold on the other’s nape, guiding him slowly as he watches the Hongjoong’s teeth, tongue flattening against the underside of his shaft.

“Berry, you’re going to make me cum.”

The boy withdraws his lips until the tip remained and suckled at it. "Please." He draws his face closer and opens his mouth, tongue sticking out in the filthiest way.

The image of it alone sends Seonghwa to climax, his body shaking as it releases thick spurts of white, landing all over Hongjoong’s tongue, lips, his face. Hongjoong swallows all of it greedily, lapping up everything and catching everything with his tongue. Seonghwa takes a moment to recover from what happened, watching Hongjoong lick his release off his lips while their eyes meet.

What Hongjoong wants, Hongjoong gets.

* * *

“Who’s the kid?”

Yunho doesn’t visit very often, but when he does, he’s got a penchant of curiosity towards Seonghwa’s life. Seonghwa still hasn’t figured out if that’s a good or bad thing, but seeing as to how he stuck with him since college, he knows its fair inclination.

“Kim Hongjoong.” Seonghwa diverts his eyes to the owner of the name who was cherry picking the macarons from the buffet. Cute. “Just one of my employee’s son I’m supervising.”

Curious, Yunho quirks a brow, “I didn’t know you let your interns walk in your office in dyed hair and ripped jeans.”

“You don’t know a lot of things about me.” _Like how I’m head over heels for him._ Seonghwa tips the wine to his mouth, letting the strong aftertaste wash the lump away from his throat. “Not like it’s hurting anyone.”

“Wow is this for real?” Yunho chuckles, amused. “Since when did the cold, boring—no offense hyung—care about his employees all of a sudden.”

Seonghwa wants to protest, but the words die down his mouth. It’s like there never was a beginning to when he changed so suddenly. Or maybe there was, but there’s far too many false starts and trial runs to consider once instance as the concrete start of whatever this is. It never really mattered when his past, present and future is standing a few steps away from him, filling himself with dessert.

Yunho gauges his silence, as if he knew something was up. He always did. “You know you can always tell me anything right?”

And Seonghwa knows he can. He trusts Yunho with all his life—which probably why he owns a quarter of the company’s shares—but Seonghwa wasn’t ready to give out something as personal, much less controversial, as this. What was he going to say? That he’s screwing around with a kid ten years younger than him? He doubts Yunho’s moral compass would be able to handle it.

So Seonghwa nods nonchalantly, as if to dismiss the topic right away. Let the man talk about business, stocks, anything but the one thing that has words tangled up in his mind.

“Check it out your little intern’s making a new friend.”

When Seonghwa looks up, Hongjoong’s with an employee—this time a real intern. Hongjoong seemed entertained with the way his eyes crinkle in that charming laugh of his and it’s stupid that his blood boils seeing the other so comfortable with someone that isn’t him.

Seonghwa knows that he should let them be, let Hongjoong make friends while he’s staying in the company to lessen suspicion, but when the intern fondly touches Hongjoong on the shoulder, it’s all it takes for him to excuse himself from Yunho and pace across the room.

“Hyu—I mean Mr. Park…” As if on cue, the two of them turn to greet his presence. “This is the new intern. He just got here yesterday. He’s _twenty._ ”

Seonghwa’s fingers digs through the champagne glass. Hongjoong’s been doing this a lot lately—rubbing off his age in front of him. Like that ten-year gap between them stretched beyond the years of their birth. The intern tries to impress of course—they always do at his presence—and he fakes his calm demeanor until the young man leaves but not without dotingly patting Hongjoong’s head.

“You jealous old man?” Hongjoong teases, subtly poking his sides. So he did know what he was doing.

Seonghwa just keeps mum, avoiding the other’s eyes. It would look out of his character to pay undivided attention to the boy, more so a boy speaking so comfortably with him, but Hongjoong seems to pick up on the front he’s putting on and opts to play with his tie.

“Hmm, maybe you should _supervise_ him too so I can have a friend when you’re always so busy.” Hongjoong feigns a pout before walking away. Seonghwa scans the room again, making sure no one witnessed the small act of boldness the younger displayed so openly.

The next day, Park Firm and Co. lost a newly-hired intern.

Seonghwa knows he should keep everything under control. But Hongjoong, just like boys his age, was a stubborn little thing, and he underestimated how adventurous the younger got on their little escapades.

Out of nowhere, Hongjoong would pull him onto bathrooms, hidden corners in the building to get on his knees in front of him, and Seonghwa has no choice but to take it, biting his lips to keep any poor passerby from hearing his moans. He’s thankful that Hongjoong wants him as bad too. Desire knows no age after all. Still, it doesn’t erase the fact Hongjoong was a kid, a sparkler frizzing with light that burns out easily. Deep inside there’s that lingering fear of Hongjoong getting tired of him.

“I’m bored.”

Seonghwa knows. Anyone could tell with Hongjoong’s jaded look and how he’s languidly swivelling himself on the chair, a blueberry pop in his mouth. The pen holder gets knocked down, and Seonghwa knows it was on purpose when Hongjoong merely blinks at him with an _oops_ and swings his legs.

“Do you want to do something?” He suggests, “We can go back to my place if you want.”

“Not fun.” Hongjoong says blankly.

Later, Hongjoong leaves early to meet a friend, and all Seonghwa could do was hope it wasn’t a phantom excuse to get away from him.

Anyone with two working eyes could easily tell Hongjoong wasn't into business, loathed it even, but to keep their front convincing Seonghwa occasionally takes Hongjoong with him to work. Sometimes Hongjoong would bribe him out with kisses—at least _most_ of the time it was kisses—but today, the younger is left with no choice.

Seonghwa already advised the boy to pay attention, or at least try to behave while they were in the meeting, but apparently Hongjoong has other plans when he decided it was the perfect time to play footsy with him under the table.

_What are you doing,_ he mouths at Hongjoong who just blinks, feigning innocence.

Seonghwa flinches when he feels a socked foot press against his crotch. All the blood in his body rushes south as Hongjoong resumes putting pressure between his legs until his dick throbbed under the confines of his trousers. Luckily, everyone was too engrossed on the presenter to notice. From across he sees Hongjoong watching the screen, all the while wiggling his toes across his inner thigh, running them through his leg teasingly slow that all the hairs behind his neck stands up.

Hongjoong continued his risky little act until the meeting ended. Seonghwa impatiently waits for everyone to exit the room as he hides the arousal under his pants. Once empty, he made sure to thoroughly check around before closing the doors. The instance the locks click, the first thing he does is grab Hongjoong by the shoulder and corner the boy at the table with a growl.

"What do you think you're doing?” Seonghwa fumes, grip bruising on the slender waist. “In front of the board, really?"

Rolling his eyes, Hongjoong snickers, "Geez calm down, I was just bored."

"Hongjoong…you could’ve waited till it ended at least. What if someone saw? Would you take responsibility? You just agreed not to do it in the office anymore."

"Or what? No one's here. C’mon hyungie I'm bored." A hand slides across his crotch and for a brief moment Seonghwa reels into the touch, but he knows better and repulsively steps back to slam his hands on the table, making the younger flinch.

He leans forward, eyes bored into Hongjoong’s intimidated ones, when he seethes, "I'm going to fuck you if you keep this up.

It's supposed to be a threat, a warning of some sorts for Hongjoong not to cross that boundary. Fooling around was one thing, but to have sex with a barely adolescent is something he’s not ready to do. Seonghwa has gone a long road of holding back to make sure they’ll never go all the way. But Hongjoong just proved himself as an unpredictable cause again when he flutters his eyes, tilts his head with a coy smile to say,

"Do it then."

Seonghwa’s eyes widen, taken aback by the sudden turn of events.

“C’mon what are you waiting for Park Seonghwa.” Hongjoong challenged, “Fuck me.”

Realizing how crude it sounded, Seonghwa shakes his head. "H-hongjoong, I didn’t mean it. You know we can't. You're too—"

"Inexperienced? Young? What is it this time?" Hongjoong swings his legs playfully, tonguing his cheek. "Hm, let me guess...immature."

"I didn't say that.'"

"Then what's stopping you, hyung." Hongjoong spreads his legs and it’s hard to ignore the evident bulge on his pants. "Little too late to be prudent since I already had your dick in my mouth."

The knock on the door scrambles them apart.

"Not here..." Seonghwa whispers before leaving. From a distance he could hear Hongjoong’s sardonic laughing, leaving tingles over his body.

Eighteen should be a year of laughter and pure glee—Hongjoong’s right on the cusp of young adulthood, a year of dawdling between the responsibility of being an adult and the nonchalance of youth. Seonghwa doesn’t want to take that away from him so soon. But who was he fooling when Hongjoong’s advances always drew him in like a moth to a flame. It’s hard not to—Hongjoong is electrifying. Magnetic.

Seonghwa doesn't want to burn, even if all he craves is to douse himself with his fire till it consumes him.

* * *

"Joongie, you don't understand this is work."

There’s a thud across the room that forces him to lift his head. A wet paintbrush rolls on the floor, leaving splats of blue on the wall where it made impact. Seonghwa’s has long gotten used to the other’s childish tantrums to deem this normal.

"You're gonna leave me for a week. A week, hyung! What the fuck am I supposed to do here, huh?” Hongjoong crosses his arms, obviously displeased.

Seonghwa pressed a kiss on the other's temple. "You know you can always visit here right? We can call each other when I’m not busy. I can stay up late for you.” Hongjoong seems still unsatisfied with his proposal, whining, so he pulls him to his chest. “I’m sorry berry…If only I could take you with me."

There’s a twinkle on Hongjoong’s eyes. "Take me with you then."

Seonghwa sighs for the umpteenth time that day. “You can’t. We already talked about this.” They really did. He already told Hongjoong about the business trip to Florence a week ago, and he only ignored Seonghwa, probably thinking it was a joke. Makes him wonder sometimes how much of his words are taken seriously by the younger. “There’s your dad and you’ll get bored because I’m always going to be working...”

The words die down on his throat as Hongjoong connects their mouths together. He must’ve been chewing those blueberry lollipops again because he tastes that fruity sourness again and Seonghwa doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the plushness and sugariness of his lips.

When they pull away to breathe, Hongjoong’s mouth stretches in a coy smile. “Not even if I do that?”

Seonghwa knows he should get up. He’d been in this game far too many times to know what’s going to happen. As hard as it is for him, a lawyer and businessman, to admit, Hongjoong has got him wrapped around his finger. Just a bat of those lashes and he’s a gone man. The boy knew which buttons to push to get him to say yes.

_What Hongjoong wants, Hongjoong gets._

Hongjoong twirls his tie. "It'll be fun. Think about it, we can eat, hold hands in public and no one will judge. We can finally do everything without hiding. Please hyung,” Hongjoong says, grabbing onto his sleeves and swinging his arms like a child pleading for candy. “Please, please—“

Later, Seonghwa calls his secretary to book another flight. Apparently, Hongjoong's dad didn’t need any convincing, complying too eagerly to let his son attend an international conference for experience. A week later when Mr Kim drops his son to the airport, there’s a proud smile painted on his face. While Seonghwa makes promises to take care of the younger’s needs in front of the older, Hongjoong on his overalls and bucket hat grins all too widely.

Seonghwa couldn’t believe what was happening. Not even when they boarded the plane together, or when Hongjoong fell asleep on his shoulder midway the flight. Not even when they were mounting the car he rented to their accommodation. It’s too much, Hongjoong here by his side, ecstatically watching the scenic on the window.

It’s still hard to believe as they stand before the five-star hotel, golden hues glitzing up every corner and crevice, and Hongjoong intertwines their fingers together while the hotelier tour them around. Seonghwa’s mind is blank even as they mount the elevator to their floor, but there’s that inexplicable excitement bubbling on the surface of his skin that he couldn’t pinpoint.

“Holy shit…” Hongjoong opens the curtains and the outdoor lights flood inside their room from the bright Italian skies. The view was indeed glorious and justified its price, and yet it still feels surreal having Hongjoong here with him, thousands of miles away from home.

Seonghwa is stunned as he lets the younger drag him to the bathroom where he watches the boy gleefully fill the tub with too many complimentary bathbombs until it overflowed. Soon, Hongjoong slips into the bathtub, groaning once the rejuvenating water encompassed his skin.

“Are you just gonna stand there?”

Seonghwa sheds himself from his clothes and slips into the tub with the other. The scent was a little overwhelming—hell, seeing Hongjoong so pliant like this was overwhelming, but Seonghwa lets himself unwind. And as if it wasn’t dreamy enough, Hongjoong leans forward to grab his flaccid member and starts stroking it to hardness, their wet foreheads pressed against each other.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Seonghwa whispers into his skin. It’s probably the first coherent sentence he said to the other since hours ago “I’m so, so happy you’re with me.”

“Told ‘ya so.” Hongjoong replies, hands moving faster, tipping him closer to the edge until he’s drowning, drowning, drowning.

Hongjoong holds him close through his orgasm, as close as he can, that desperation Seonghwa can’t quite describe running through where the tips of his fingers bury on the other’s skin. Then in the haze of Hongjoong leaning against his chest, amusing himself with the bubbles and petals floating in the water, the reality finally washes over him.

This is real.

* * *

Dinner was something Hongjoong had been looking forward to.

As if his vivid hair wasn’t enough, Hongjoong stood out adorably in his bright yellow sweater. Earlier, Seonghwa teased that it reminded him of a bumblebee, to which the younger weakly punches him for. It’s still odd being out in the open like this, and even as they arrive in the banquet hall of the restaurant, Seonghwa is still cagy with his surroundings.

"Your brother I presume?" The receptionist beams as she finds their reservation.

The younger laughs, and it catches him off-guard when he turns his head to kiss him. "He's my boyfriend." Hongjoong said without missing a beat.

_Boyfriend._ Seonghwa feels his insides melt.

The lady bows, flustered. "Oh, I apologize. Please have a lovely evening."

Seonghwa just smiles strainly at the woman before throwing a quizzical look at Hongjoong who only chuckles.

"What? Calm down, it's just an act." Seonghwa wants to ask which one—messing with the receptionist or being his boyfriend. "Besides she's looking at you like she wants to suck your co—"

"Hongjoong!"

"We're not at your office hyung. Don't worry, after I finish our steak I'll make sure to treat myself with your meat."

Seonghwa gasps at the sudden squeeze on his crotch, then Hongjoong runs away laughing. This kid was going to be the death of him. He knows he’s agitated as they have their meal, unsure how to act after finally getting the freedom he had always sought for them. Seonghwa knows it’s silly—they’re thousands of miles away from Seoul for Christ’s sake, no one’s going to recognize them.

“Hey, calm down.” Hongjoong seems to notice how stiff he was when he takes his hand, massaging it reassuringly with his thumb. “No one knows us here.”

And so for the first time that night, he kisses Hongjoong with more self-assurance.

Florence night was chilly. But it gets warm with Hongjoong on his arms while they stroll the streets. Usually a long flight would’ve sucked the energy out of him and he would get ample rest to get ready for whatever godforsaken event he’ll attend the next day. But hearing Hongjoong talking animatedly, his pretty eyes sparkling with the city lights, fuels an energy Seonghwa didn’t know was there all along. The boy seemed to have that effect on him—making him feel livelier, younger.

That night he wasn’t a CEO and Hongjoong wasn’t the son of his employee with ten years spanning between them—they were just Seonghwa and Hongjoong.

They stop by a corner where Hongjoong promptly pulls out a pack of cigarette from his pocket. Hongjoong merely snickers at him as he pushes the stick between his lips. "Don't look at me like that, I wanted to try."

Seonghwa has long quit smoking, but it’s something he hardly does once in a blue moon to calm himself. Because when you’re nearing your thirties and you’ve become a machine to approve other people’s lives, it gets to you. "Just one stick.” He hesitantly agrees. “Your dad is gonna kill me."

Hongjoong draws a lit cigarette on his mouth with his own, giggling. He’s never been one to romanticize his vice, but no one can deny it looks lovely twirling in the air, especially with his company by his side.

"My dad is not here." Hongjoong chimes back, a puff of smoke departing his mouth. “Fuck, wish it could be like this forever."

Seonghwa wants to ask what Hongjoong meant. If it was the temporary freedom from his father, or the openness they share that moment as they kill themselves softly. Deep inside, he hopes it was more on the latter. After all, he wants Hongjoong to be happy with him, just as he was with him.

They walk hand in hand, a little tipsy from earlier dinner’s wine but sober enough to traverse back to their hotel while basking in the moonlight. All he hears is Hongjoong's laugh. Smell the sweetness wafting off him. Delightful, pretty Hongjoong who makes him fall into a cliché because maybe what he feels is just the ecstasy of a good moment, one that will turn into a memory once it’s over. Surely though, happiness isn’t the only thing he feels, and he’s even more certain the reason behind it is right in front of him dancing on the almost empty sidewalk.

It’s late when they get back to the hotel, and the instant Hongjoong saw the empty elevator, he pushes them inside and slots their lips together. It starts as an innocent peck, gradually becoming messier with the slip of a tongue. The kiss has heat licking Seonghwa’s insides, almost making his legs give out on how _weak_ it renders him.

When the elevator opens, a staff was standing outside, briefly witnessing their act. Hongjoong bites his ear to whisper something before running past the flustered hotelier who bows his head right away.

"One word and you're fired." Seonghwa grumbles, audible enough for the young man to hear and scramble.

Seonghwa almost stumbles on his feet as he takes off his shoes. His heart hammers against his ribs upon seeing Hongjoong sitting by the bed, clothes loosely hanging off him. It feels unreal kissing Hongjoong on bed like this, feels way different than those times they would do it in dark rooms and corners. This one awakens something heavy inside him, his body scorching with a delectable warmth he has yet to feel.

"Bet you're gonna fuck like an old man." The younger chuckles through his lips.

Seonghwa laughs, "Are you testing me berry?" He challenges, fingers tilting the other’s chin.

"Maybe Mr. Park."

How could he even keep denying the both of them of this pleasure? Seonghwa throws Hongjoong on the bed, the display of vulnerability stoking something alongside his hard-on. Some sort of deep-satisfaction on how his lover looks so pliant and small under him. Hongjoong extends his arm to pulls out something from the drawer, and Seonghwa flushes at the sight of the condom being waved at his face.

He’s unaware how long Hongjoong has gotten hold of the lube, but he just feels the liquid smeared into his fingers when he holds the younger’s hands. Seonghwa watches as Hongjoong props himself with his elbows, spreading his legs in a way that has red spreading from Seonghwa’s ears to the rest of his face.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Like you're afraid to break me." Hongjoong snorts in defiance. "You always ask that. Don't hold back hyung, you want me right?"

_Want_ would be an understatement. Maybe deep inside he always craved for this. He long accepted he was messed up for even letting himself be involved with someone who just skipped line of being a minor, but this, it was like an itch he always scratched thinking it would go away.

So Seonghwa slides a finger in and the other moans wantonly at the sensation. If Hongjoong was already this tight with just a finger, he couldn’t begin to imagine what it would feel being inside him. He wants to die how Hongjoong looks squirming with his mouth parted, ecstatic noises leaving with every push of his fingers.

“Hyung, feels too good…”

Seonghwa feels him tremble when he crooks his finger just right and presses deeper, just once, before he pulls them out again. When Hongjoong lifts his head, Seonghwa catches his lips and lets Hongjoong get back to his place, pressing into his neck, sometimes biting, sometimes kissing, mostly just breathing. Soon he eases two fingers inside the soaked hole. It has his head spinning when Hongjoong starts bouncing back on his fingers, fucking himself back on him like a needy little boy. _His_ needy little boy.

“H-hyung, please…need it now.” Impatient, Hongjoong takes out his fingers outside him and grabs his hips to pull him closer. As if he couldn’t wait, Hongjoong grab Seonghwa's length and rubs the head against his own hole, probing between the cleft of his ass. "In now please."

Seonghwa groans deeply when the heat of Hongjoong’s hole sucks him in.

“Fuck,” Seonghwa grunts, fingers grasping the sheets below because finally, finally he gets a taste of Hongjoong who is wet, so perfectly wet and tight that it overwhelms him. Hongjoong felt so small. Like one too-hard thrust could break him. He stills, letting Hongjoong adjust as he leans in to kiss him. It’s a deep, sloppy kind of kiss that layers on a sort of haze in their minds.

"Hm, how is it?" His voice breaks, but he’s too high to care.

"J-just, move…p-please." There's a string of saliva on the corner of his cherry lips that Seonghwa wipes. His thumb accidentally slips inside the other's mouth and the younger sucks on it right away. Unreal. "Feels good, hngg, feels good, hyung harder there."

It’s hard to keep his eyes open, but it’s worth it. Seeing Hongjoong under him like this—ocean fringe falling over his eyes, lips parted and bitten red, eyes dark—makes Seonghwa feel like there’s a fireball inside his stomach. He writhes and arches so beautifully every time Seomghwa’s cock hits him just right. A blush is sitting high on his cheeks because he’s embarrassed of the sounds Hongjoong lets out, high and needy and whiny, so he bites on his hand.

“None of that, angel,” Seonghwa tuts. The elder lets go of Hongjoong’s narrow waist to hold his arms on top of his head. “Let me hear your voice.”

Hongjoong mewls, finally letting out that voice of his that is so high and sweet and pretty like the rest of him and apparently he sounds the prettiest when he’s getting pounded on. Seonghwa could listen to it all day.

"S-Seong—there oh, more, please."

Seonghwa’s hips stutter, and the room echoes with their moans and squelching sounds with every hot slide. He loves every second of it. Every second Hongjoong cries for more. The sight arouses him even more, his cock twitching just from the vision of Hongjoong scratching at the duvet for a lifeline as every snap of Seonghwa’s hips sent him sliding up further, his broken noises of pleasure mixing with his. He isn’t going to last long. They both won’t.

"Hyung—I think I'm coming. B-but…feels something different, hyung...I-I..."

Seonghwa assures him, hands coming back to grip Hongjoong’s waist so he could fuck Hongjoong faster, harder, could milk himself empty right into the boy.

“Hyungie, I’m gonna cum,” Hongjoong whines in warning. “Gonna cum, gonna cum—”

Hongjoong shakes violently, releasing all over his thighs, his stomach, all glassy eyes and wet lips. Seonghwa’s hips keep thrusting in fast, unable to keep his cock out of Hongjoong’s warm hole for too long before he’s forcing it back in until he reaches his climax, eyes rolling to the back of his head.

It feels euphoric, his mind flooded with thoughts of Hongjoong, Hongjoong, _Hongjoong._ Women and men have thrown themselves at him, but only Hongjoong could’ve made him reach pure bliss like this. They smile blankly at the crystal ceiling together, slowly descending back to reality, giggling. They lie there for what seemed like forever, catching their breaths.

“You okay, berry?” Seonghwa kisses him sweetly, his free hand turning Hongjoong’s pretty face to him.

“Feel amazing.” There's grabby hands, grappling at Seonghwa’s jawline meekly as he basks in the slow pecks. "Felt like, like I could fly.”

When he wakes up the next day, Hongjoong’s bare body by his side, it’s almost as if the boy he unravelled last night had just been a dream.

* * *

Seonghwa forgot why he went to Italy in the first place.

The only thread keeping him grounded to his responsibilities is the pings from his tablet notifying him of his appointments. How could he even focus on work when every time he as much as step away from the bed, Hongjoong would loop him back in the sheets, and they'd be in each other’s arms till their heart’s content. But of course, being at the top of his league didn’t mean he can get out of his obligations he has no longer interest in, so sooner or later Seonghwa had to pry a whining Hongjoong off him, making promises of spending the entirety of their last day together.

Once there, Seonghwa doesn’t even pay attention anymore. Up until now his mind replays images of that night. Of Hongjoong under him. How he got to touch those lenient curves all the way down to his pretty legs and ass. That he already kissed, sucked, _fucked,_ every corner of that beautiful body.

The buzz on his phone snaps him out of it. Upon noticing everyone’s attention was still fixated on the presenter, he opens the message under the table. Hongjoong had sent him a selfie, a cute one at that. The boy must’ve been fresh out of the shower seeing the dampness of his hair and the robe tied around him.

Seonghwa leaves a reply before pocketing his phone back, until it buzzes in his hands again. This time it was a video. Clicking on the seemingly harmless thumbnail, Seonghwa was expecting another one of those adorable snips Hongjoong sends him—until it plays the moving image of legs parted. The face is left out of the screen but it’s clear who it is. How could he not recognize the owner of those legs that willingly spread for him the other night. Seonghwa feels his throat constrict on dryness when he watches Hongjoong’s fingers disappearing in and out his hole.

By the time the meeting ends, Seonghwa’s shaking hands almost drop his car keys as he rushed back to the hotel. He couldn’t help but smile when he sees Hongjoong sitting by the lobby, but he stops on his tracks when he notices the boy wasn’t alone. There’s a man, older than Hongjoong, older than Seonghwa for that matter, talking to him. The man seems to be enjoying Hongjoong’s presence with the leer on his wrinkled face and something about it doesn’t sit right with him. Hongjoong leans at the man, whispering something before walking away.

"Hyungie!"

The boy seems to recognizes him as he runs to his direction the instant their eyes meet. Seonghwa finds it hard reciprocating the hug as his eyes still trails the older man. "Who was that?"

Hongjoong tilts his chin towards him. "No one. Just someone who was asking for directions."

He knows what the other was doing—trying to avoid the subject again, but Seonghwa can’t just ignore what he saw, not when the suspicious man looked at Hongjoong like that. "He's almost twice your age Joong." Seonghwa tries again, but the younger only rolls his eyes.

"As if you're any better."

There it was again. Seonghwa pretends he doesn’t hear it and pulls Hongjoong closer instead. “Just be careful alright. Don’t talk to people you don’t know especially when I’m not around."

Hongjoong nods obediently. He didn’t know when he became so protective, but he just couldn’t trust anyone right now. Not with how volatile their relationship was.

“Did you like my surprise?” Hongjoong suddenly says, smiling playfully. With the reminder, Seonghwa blushes furiously.

The realization washes over him later while Hongjoong is squirming under him, every thrust Seonghwa pummels making the blue-haired boy beg for more. Seonghwa has never been in love before, and he never though he ever will be. But it never bothered him because he didn’t feel it was necessary.

Now he’s taking Hongjoong—making _love_ to him. Because having reached this point, Seonghwa refused to keep denying to himself that it’s love what he feels for the younger. Love, love, love—love when Hongjoong kisses him, love when their hands briefly touch, love as he’s inside Hongjoong.

He loves Hongjoong.

On their last morning, a hotel staff stops them at the exit. It briefly has Seonghwa on his nerves, until the receptionist explained how some careless geezer got something stolen and now every hotel guest was forced to follow inspection protocols.

"W-what’s going on?" Hongjoong looks up to him clinging to him tightly. Seonghwa never seen him so intimidated before.

The last thing they needed is someone checking their room and finding hints of their illicit relationship, so Seonghwa explains in his passable Italian who he was with a flash of his credentials. The foreign staffs were quick to apologize, even offering to escort them to the exit safely where other guests were going through the supposedly mandatory check.

Fortunately, the rest of the day went smoothly. If Seonghwa could choose which memory with Hongjoong he’d keep forever, it would be their last day in Florence. How they spent the morning visiting landmarks, having lunch outside a bistro, and the afternoon for strolling the European streets. It’s liberating not having to hide who they were, how he felt, and Seonghwa wouldn’t have it any other way. Even later as the sun sets down, the sky fading into gorgeous oranges and horizon blues, Seonghwa has a smile painted across his face. Not only because the pictures they were taking are lovely, but every time he looks away from the sky and looks at Hongjoong by his side, his breath is taken away. All Seonghwa wants to do is reach out and pull him closer and kiss him, but then he gets distracted by the sound of a shutter.

"We look cute here look."

And they did. It’s silly how he’s captured smiling widely at the other. Seonghwa never saw himself this happy before, and now he understands what it means to have someone important to cherish.

"Hyung faster, weren't gonna miss the fireworks!”

Seonghwa runs after the younger, pushing past through the bodies until they were on the edge of the balcony. Hongjoong is so warm, so giggly, so enthralled by life that Seonghwa realizes, if the universe gave him a choice, whether it, ten, a hundred, or a million times, he would always choose to have Hongjoong in his life, even if it means he’ll have to sacrifice everything he owned.

"It's beautiful, isn't it." Hongjoong rests his head on his shoulders, the fireworks giving him an allochromatic glow.

And so Seonghwa does what he has been dying to do all day—he reaches forward and curls his arms around Hongjoong’s waist to pull him in a kiss. Their mouths fit together as easily as always, like they were always meant to be together. He’s bubbling with happiness—they’re here, in Florence, and he just got to enjoy the most beautiful sunset and fireworks with the most beautiful boy.

"It is."

The next day when they land back to Korea, Seonghwa finds it hard to let go of Hongjoong’s hand.

“Thank you...for everything.” His heart aches how Hongjoong says it so genuinely.

“Anything for you.” was all Seonghwa could muster, because words are not enough to cover how he feels, what he _felt_ spending those precious days with Hongjoong.

Hongjoong gives him one quick peck on the cheek before letting go, running to where his father was waiting outside the airport. Standing there alone, watching the love of his life widen the distance between them, their getaway suddenly feels like a dream.

And if he only knew what would happen next, he’d wish he never woke up from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PLEASE RED!**
> 
> first of all can I just say you guys are insane for giving this 100 kudos in less than a week. I was expecting it would take a month to give me some kind of time to polish this OMFG you guys are crazy. Some character clarification since idk if I’m portraying them well enough: Seonghwa is a serious, sometimes awkward guy. Hongjoong is obviously an immature brat just enjoying his life.
> 
> But anws, DUN DUN DUN. I did say there’s a plot to this so no one throw tomatoes at me. PLEASE LEAVE **COMMENTS!** (how am I doing? Is this going in the direction you’re expecting?) I love hearing your thoughts about this ;-; It’s the reason why I worked hard for the update!
> 
> VOTE ATEEZ ON MAMA!


	3. PLEASE READ!!

NOT AN UPDATE!

Recently i posted a woosan fic (already deleted) given as a draft to me by one of my moots but apparently it was plagiarized from another fandom. She just replaced the names and I revised it without knowing. If not for atinytwt pointing this out, I wouldn't have known. Problem is this same moot (sngjng1117, a relatively new acct that should have deactivated by now) is the source of the drafts I've took bits from. one of these is the seongjoong fic part of this series 'daddy do me' which i had to take down too.

sngjng1117 messaged me before telling me she loved my stories and wanted to contribute somehow. she didn't ask for anything else, she just said she wanted to be part of my works even without affiliation (I. SHOULDVE. KNOWN. THIS. WAS. SHADY.) As a new fan who was overwhelmed by the possibilities of my first atiny friend, of course I accepted. this went on for a few months where she started sending me drafts i was free to revise and for 2-3 months or so, and i had **NO IDEA** she was plagiarizing these. I might update this chapter with some screenshots of the drafts she contributed and our convos. If you guys remember/have interacted with a @sngjng1117 pls let me know! But I doubt because I think she only uses that account for scrolling through atinytwt like me 😢

I've been reading for 6 years, **authoring for 5 years** now and have **made dozens of original contents** , and this is the first time this has happened to me. All that hard earned reputation down the drain all because I was excited to receive help and contribution from someone. 😭 Having been in the writing community for so long **i would have no reason to steal from co-authors** , as someone who experienced having my works plagiarized as well. It's heartbreaking seeing something I built from the ground years ago, from my writing style and reputation, become fractured because of this. 

I know I don't make any convincing argument right now proving what she'd done, especially since I've been a lone atiny for quite a while now, but rest assured I will be the bigger person and just take responsibility by revising the works where I used what she sent me. But I assure you, clash and confessions of cliche, hocus pocus, and sweetheart take my sweet heart are **ORIGINALLY MINE** because I've wrote these stories before I met her. already deleted two works, and blueberry boy has to undergo some major constructions as we worked on these together but since I wrote 80% of this, I will try to salvage this and crosscheck which fics she stole from so i can **remove them**. thank you atinytwt for letting me know which stories have been plagiarized! I apologize to the fandoms involved.

I don't usually reveal a part of my real life to my author persona but let it be known as a university student doing thesis (on to my masters soon actually) I don't condone plagiarism in any form! Even if I am in a low point, rest assured I will be making more ateez fics that are a product of my own hard work. Can't trust anyone anymore, I'm gonna be careful from now on. I apologize again, and I hope you guys understand 😞 If I really did commit something as stupid, the optimal choice would be to hide, but **I didn't** , never have, never will, so here I am making promises to make it up to everyone I disappointed. For now, I leave it up to you.

I'm not going to leave the fandom just for this nor stop writing, ATEEZ have been my great source of inspiration both in my craft and motivation-wise, so I will just be better. If you guys wanna discuss some stuff with me I am going to be rise from the grave on my supposedly dead account @kthistoria. Let's talk.

* * *

**Update as of 11/13/20** im drowning in my workload + a fucking typhoon just hit here so its a miracle i'm even in here

Here you can see a screenshot on one of the doc files with her inputs she shared with me months ago. If u zoom in on the preview u could see 'seonghwa/hongjoong' in it. The story "daddy do me" was published somewhere on September and this file was given by sngjng1117 on August. The only time I opened it was on the day I had to download it and make minor changes since it was already okay for me (HA jokes on me, she plagiarized it) The lead i have atm is she's a **Layla.**

I had to crop and censor my files as to not to reveal my identity as a grad student. Just seeing this thrown in the middle of my university files and also risking my identity means i'm not making this shit up. I'm still revising blueberry boy so pls be patient with me :( I have a troublesome life outside of this and even if this shit has really taken a toll on me, I'm not willing to let all five years of writing go down the drain. Will update with screenshots soonest if shit's still bad!

**UPDATE AS OF 11/27/20**

Already talked with the authors involved (at least the authors I KNOW who are involved). We all had a civilized discussion where I apologized profusely, even though they can't forgive me fully, I did my part by deleting the works and explaining my side with proof. Still, sorry for my readers who I've disappointed. 

I'm won't use my twitter anymore because I can't trust no one and the herd mentality there is so bad huhu I'm not going to force anyone to believe me, I'm just asking to hear my side out. Life's been pretty hectic here recently, and yet I'm still here worrying about this side of my life. I wouldn't go as far as saying stuff's solved, but I'm still carrying the weight of what happened. For now, it got better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this came in late. This is the hotpot of angst to keep you stalled while the finale is on the works. Please read the endnotes :)

"The court declares the suspect, guilty."

Seonghwa watches as the man gets cuffed, a sheen of gloom on his blank face, but not like he had any remorse left after he was caught laundering and cheating on his wife. The fact that the mistress barely even made it out of college just puts the cherry on top of a perfect crime. Infidelity aside, it’s a little ironic for Seonghwa to send someone like him behind bars, but he’s just glad one of the most convoluted cases he handled in his career is now over.

Though it makes Seonghwa wonder what would he’d do if it were him in the suspect’s shoes. Seonghwa knows the strings he would pull to breeze his way through—he could literally get away with murder with just a phone call—but that was before Hongjoong.

With Hongjoong, everything was uncertain: a flip of a coin, a toss of a dice, a draw from a deck. The risks were high as long as his young lover was involved in the equation. For now, it doesn't really matter as long the boy was safe.

Brushing past the flashes, Seonghwa firmly walks to his car and ignores the indignant call of journalists shoving their recorders and cameras at his face. He’s too tired to deal with the press, much more with work. Leave the company unattended for a week and it’s like shit has gone haywire. Finance fucking up liquidity statements. Missed deals because of bird-brained agents. As if that wasn’t enough, his secretary had been annoyingly pinging him about his cards declining. Working for years, Seonghwa had learn to deal with these mishaps on his own, so it wasn’t anything out of proportion.

But now, god, he just needs Hongjoong. He’d give anything to see the boy right now. So it’s truly a big surprise when he unlocks his office door and sees just who he was looking for perched on the couch.

"Welcome your majesty." Hongjoong greets playfully, and Seonghwa wastes no time on running to his side. He almost loses balance when the younger jumps to hug him, but Seonghwa was able to snake an arm under the boy’s thighs and catch Hongjoong who wraps his slim legs around his hips.

It’s remarkable how his problems and worries dissolve as he basks in Hongjoong’s presence, letting himself savor the joy it brings him. Even until now Hongjoong takes his breath away. “God, where have you been?”

Hongjoong pulls back to smile sweetly, "You okay hyung?"

"I just," Seonghwa sighs deeply, pressing his temple against the other. "I just missed you."

The younger stifles a laugh, pokes his cheeks. "Miss you too. But I'm here now."

He leans in to peck Hongjoong's lips softly and quickly. Hongjoong smiles, nodding his head at him as he brings a hand up to Seonghwa's face, running his thumb along his bottom lip. Seonghwa has shaken the coat off his shoulders, making it easier for him to snuggle closer to Hongjoong's body, desperately pressing his lips against the younger's, eyes fluttering close. The action makes the Hongjoong whimper quietly, and Seonghwa brings a hand up to his face, cupping his cheek and stroking his face with his fingers.

"You're driving me crazy." Seonghwa could feel the small puffs of air as his lips ghosts over the younger's. Hongjoong just smirks and leans in once more to press a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

Indeed, all he needs is Hongjoong and nothing more.

Change is unavoidable, he just never thought it would come so soon for the both of them. The day after that, and the succeeding more days, Hongjoong barely comes to visit him anymore. It’s been a number of days since they last saw each other and Hongjoong still hadn’t show up. The younger always left him with short, vague replies, dropping his calls with excuses of being busy.

Hongjoong had always been careful, never leaving any evidence that they were together. It was always rushed kisses, quick touches and sweet nothings whispered between them, but it never meant he wasn’t allowed to stay. Seonghwa wouldn’t say they were fighting. They were just…distant lately. Everything felt off with Hongjoong leaving him alone to drown on his thoughts.

On days he’d be there, Hongjoong would be working hard on his portfolio, spending more time hunched on his little round table Seonghwa bought after he realized the former needed a better workspace. Seonghwa learned to put up with the mess of fabrics and paint on the carpet. What Hongjoong’s father deemed as a useless hobby was something more special, and Seonghwa could see it in the way Hongjoong concentrates when his hands move along a canvas.

“Hey baby, what are you doing.” Seonghwa hunches over the younger whose eyes never leave the shoes he was painting. A masterpiece as usual. “That’s very lovely Joong.”

Hongjoong only gives a small nod, still determined in coating the soles gold. He doesn’t know how long he spends watching him hyperfocused into his work, but he does know Hongjoong puts his unparalleled passion into it. And Seonghwa believes he deserves the best for that, which is why he’s always determined to help him.

"I found a little art exhibit maybe you want to join." He chimes, pulling out a pamphlet from his coat. “The curator from this art show owed me. I never really thought it would come into use but I was thinking maybe we can talk to him so you could—”

"It's fine." Hongjoong cuts off. The cold response throws him off for a second, but it was nothing Seonghwa wasn’t used to.

"You said you wanted to go to art school right?" Seonghwa tries again. "I know someone who could—"

He flinches when Hongjoong raucously bangs the brush on the table, turning his head to stare pointedly at him. "Stop it, hyung. If I'm going to get there, I'm getting there on my own."

“I just…” Seonghwa chuckles tightly, a futile attempt to lift up the ambience he spoilt. “Just wanted to help."

"Stop helping then." He hears Hongjoong grumble under his breath before standing up to leave.

Seonghwa was left to stand there, dejected, wondering where did he go wrong.

* * *

"So I just have to follow this Kim Hongjoong." The man in front of him asks, checking the papers filed on the folder.

Seonghwa wasn’t an entirely nice man. He knows how to get his hands dirty if he needs to, it’s what got him a seat on the top floor and moreover it’s the nature of his job. But having to give away sensitive information about Hongjoong to a complete stranger felt so wrong and Seonghwa could barely keep a straight face as the man skims through each one of the documents.

"I just need you to know where he's going." Seonghwa clarifies, eyes avoiding the man, "Just make sure he's safe."

The man seems convinced and Seonghwa didn’t realize how clammy his hands was until they shook hands. "I understand sir. I have a son too around his age actually. We all can be protective of our boys."

Seonghwa tries not to be offended by the remark and dismisses the man right away. When he’s safe in his solitude once more, a burn traipsing to guilt creeps up his chest. He knows he shouldn't be doing this, having someone tail Hongjoong to know what he’s been up to, but Seonghwa is left with no choice. He couldn’t bare just standing by the sidelines waiting for an answer that was never going to come out from the younger.

Even when he asked Hongjoong's father, he got nothing but the despicably unsubtle hints of a request for promotion. It's like Kim Sujoong didn't care for his own son—that loveable boy who deserves nothing but to be cherished and taken care of. If Seonghwa could take away Hongjoong from him, he would. He really would.

The civilized thing to do is to talk this with Hongjoong—he’s aware of that—to address the elephant in the room trying to crush his chest. He _knows_ he should, but seeing the way Hongjoong’s eyes light up on the now rare times he occupied that spot in his office, in his house, the questions get locked on his tongue.

It was a breach of trust, and Hongjoong would loathe him for it. But this…this is all what Seonghwa can do as of now.

Seonghwa makes a quick stop to the canteen to grab something to drink, hoping it would drown away the remorse eating away his conscience.

"You know that kid in Mr Park's office?"

The cafeteria on the middle floor would usually be fairly empty during this time of the day, so he's confused when he hears the loud voices from behind the door. Seonghwa pauses, and he hadn’t realized how much his palms were sweating until his hands wrap on the steely knob.

Of course they were talking about him and Hongjoong, of course.

"Oh the intern right? With the crazy hair."

"Yeah, that one." Another man confirms. "Heard it was Sujoong's son."

There's whistling before the person continues, "Sujoong from stocks? Damn, must've kissed Park's ass for that benefit." Laughter. "I mean don't you think it's sketchy Park's been supervising the kid all of a sudden? Didn’t we just fire a new intern a month ago?”

“Yeah, what was that all about.” A raspy voice joins in, “Poor kid, probably didn’t even last a month.”

_Because he was stepping out of line,_ Seonghwa wants to interrupt, but he knows better and takes his stance.

"Okay this is going to sound crazy so don’t fucking snitch on me…” The voices became more hushed, but with the silence of the floor Seonghwa hears it audibly when they say, “But do you think Park Seonghwa has the hots for him?"

The men laugh again, and Seonghwa clenches his fist against the knob harder. "For the kid? C'mon man that's just sick."

"Hey, I'd do it you know? Kid's kinda cute."

"Jesus he's like in highschool or something." A raspy voice exclaims. "But yeah, he is kind of pretty. If I were the boss I'd definitely let him go down on me."

"Tell that in front of your wife."

That's when Seonghwa decidedly interrupts. The three men’s jeers stop at the sight of him and scurry away with their heads cast down. All the while Seonghwa takes a glimpse at their faces to remember which loudmouths he’s going to suspend tomorrow.

The coffee tastes more acidic on his tongue than it should be.

It wasn't a week later till he receives the first tip from his informant. Seonghwa was practically shaking as he tears open the brown envelope to take out the pictures neatly filed inside. Even the most valuable evidence for lawsuits never made him antsy like this.

Thankfully whoever took the photo kept a reasonable distance, just enough that he could see the blank expression on Hongjoong’s face. The first ones were nothing of importance. Just Hongjoong rounding around the streets of Gangnam. He’s wearing one of the sweaters they bought together in Florence, and Seonghwa’s lips twitch to a smile seeing how adorable he looked in it.

A wave of relief washes over him, until Seonghwa reaches the middle photo. A man makes a sudden appearance on the frame. From the looks of it, the man seemed like he’d been waiting for Hongjoong with his sedan out in the open. Seonghwa considers the idea of it being a relative, maybe a close older friend. Hongjoong was a darling after all—even the company’s staffs warmed up to the boy. But when he sees the next shots were of Hongjoong linking their arms together, hugging the stranger, smiling at him fondly, something boils inside Seonghwa's stomach.

Maybe Hongjoong had really become bored of him. It’s what they’d been doing anyways—hiding. It was weird enough seeing Hongjoong in the hallways and act like they weren’t acquainted, but he never questioned it. They, whatever _they_ is, are a secret. It had never bothered Seonghwa before, too caught up with the fact he’s finally got Hongjoong in his life. Maybe he should’ve been more careful, but at the end of the day, this was Hongjoong. Hongjoong doesn’t do careful. Up until now he’s not even sure why Hongjoong is still with him, but he’s not going to question miracles, he just needs an explanation for what he saw.

Thankfully, Hongjoong was around the next day for him to confront. "Berry." Seonghwa starts by reaching out to pat the boy’s head. There's a small splotch of white paint on Hongjoong’s cheek that he wipes. Cute.

"Do you need anything?" Hongjoong barely spares him a glance.

Seonghwa hadn’t really thought through how he was going to do this which just makes him more antsy. "You want to have dinner? I found a restaurant like the one we ate at Florence.”

“The one with the steak?” The younger asks, eyes never leaving his easel.

“Yes! That one.” Seonghwa perks up. “Maybe we could check it out together."

He was ready to grab his coat until Hongjoong's face melts into a pout. "Not now." He replies curtly, and if Seonghwa wasn’t mistaken, a little annoyed.

Seonghwa nods understandably. He stands there for a good few seconds watching Hongjoong swirl lovely lines against the canvas, and his thoughts spiral with it. Being the older one, the responsibility falls upon him to untangle whatever knots there are between them. Hongjoong is doing enough just caring back for him. It’s the least he could do.

"Joongie..."

"What now?" Hongjoong huffs, the irritation now more evident in his tone.

"It's just—I wanna talk. Can we talk?"

The brush is settled at the table and Hongjoong tongues his cheek, staring at him measuredly. "Do you now?" He hums, standing up to walk towards him.

Seonghwa’s unaware he was sauntering backwards until the back of his knees hits the couch. Hongjoong climbs on his thighs, forcing him to sit down, the familiar weight on his lap makes something warm rise on the pit of his stomach. There's a playful smile as Hongjoong tilts his head to the side and he’s briefly distracted by the pale skin at display.

_Focus, Seonghwa,_ he reminds himself, swallowing the lump on his throat. "Yes. I've been worried about you lately."

"You are?" Hongjoong twiddles his tie between his fingers. "Is hyungie tired?"

Tired would be an understatement. Seonghwa’s been stuck on his own mental gymnastics that he barely gets a wink these days. Seonghwa wants to tell him all about it, but his synapses frizzle when Hongjoong suddenly starts palming his crotch.

"H-Hongjoong..." He breathes out.

Although Seonghwa understands deep within every fiber of his being that he shouldn’t, he still leans into it when Hongjoong closes the gap between them swiftly. Seonghwa groans, hands finding itself on the blue locks of the younger’s hair as if he couldn’t stop himself.

This wasn’t supposed to be happening. They weren’t supposed to kiss. He wasn’t supposed to be coaxed into sliding down his pants, revealing his hardening length while Hongjoong shimmies out of his clothes, bare and naked for him. And he most definitely wasn’t supposed to let Hongjoong rock his hips, digging their erections together, the friction sending him haywire.

Seonghwa could only watch in awe as Hongjoong grabs the lube tucked in the farthest space of his drawer to lather it on his own hole. And even though something in Seonghwa tells him that he shouldn’t love it nearly as much as he does, Hongjoong looks so gorgeous like this—fucking himself with his fingers, small cock bouncing with every push of his digits deeper.

"Have you fucked many people hyung." Even through the hooded gaze, the younger’s eyes were piercing.

Seonghwa could barely even get a reply before Hongjoong penetrates himself on his stiff member. His mouth goes slack, a silent scream of pleasure escaping it as he reels into the sensation. The slip was wet and easy, Hongjoong's warm walls hugging his length, filling him up with every inch.

“What was that?” Hongjoong smirks down on him, looking unfazed by the cock inside him.

"H-Hongjoong..." It's killing him how the boy on top of him wasn't moving, warming his aching cock. Seonghwa nods eagerly, desperately. Seonghwa was never one to talk about his past mistakes.

"I'm not gonna move unless you talk hyung." Hongjoong teases. He brings Seonghwa's hands to his chest, trailing it across his body.

"Y-yes...I did." Seonghwa feels his voice waver in his throat.

Hongjoong bounces once, the drag of his walls sending his pulse spiking. "Good for you.” He leans closer, the angle sending Seonghwa’s cock deeper inside the younger that he gasps. "But I'm still the best one right?"

Seonghwa bites his lips, trying to keep the noises to himself. It's stupid. He knows the room was soundproof, but there's still the fear of being heard, being seen like this, sullying someone beyond his years. But Hongjoong loves to challenge him, and Seonghwa plays every one of them contentedly.

“Of course berry.” He starts, “The best...You’re the prettiest I’d ever been with. The prettiest I-I’ve fucked. No one could even come close to you…" He rambles, Seonghwa doesn't know what he's saying anymore, but it's rewarding when Hongjoong lifts his hips again.

It’s obscene how he splits Hongjoong’s ass, and the younger looks fucking beautiful like this—arms propped on his chest, displaying himself so openly for Seonghwa, toes curling because of how good it feels. The couch creaks with their movement, his own breath hitching with every roll of Hongjoong’s hips. Seonghwa makes sure to take in everything—how Hongjoong looks back at him with darkened eyes, desires him, and then throws his head back once again.

When Seonghwa comes, he does so with a choked moan as he fills Hongjoong who arches and whines high and loud when he reaches his own. His release drips between the younger's legs, and god what a sight Hongjoong was, full and exhausted, so docile after a good fuck. Seonghwa can’t complain, can’t really blame him, because the taste of his skin, the noises he makes—it’s all as draining as it is invigorating.

"Don't worry about me okay?" Hongjoong plants a kiss on his cheek before limping towards the bathroom.

As he comes down from his high, Seonghwa’s mind linger about one of the million ways he can dispose the photos sitting on his desk.

It dawns to him that he and Hongjoong had never talked about it—about the important things. Maybe it’s a warning sign that they weren’t as secure as Seonghwa thinks. Things like these are like a battlefield littered with landmines. And yes, maybe Seonghwa would be lying if he said he didn’t suspect the depth of Hongjoong’s feelings for him. For all he knows Hongjoong could just still see him as some sick, twisted pervert who’s preying at his innocence. He waits for Hongjoong to bring up something, anything. But the boy would always tell him to forget it.

So Seonghwa forgets. He _tries_ to.

The traffic was getting worse recently. Seonghwa glances at the box of blueberry cheesecake in the seat. Hongjoong had been breaking his back working these days and hopefully this would somehow cheer him up. All of the younger’s efforts reflected back to his works that always leaving Seonghwa’s jaw dropped. But Seonghwa’s more startled when he sees the boy on the company parking lot, hair standing out like a sore thumb.

Seonghwa considered surprising him, until he sees that Hongjoong wasn’t alone.

There’s a man following him, almost twice Hongjoong’s size, and from here he can clearly see Hongjoong evading him with the way he flinches at the stranger’s attempt to hold him. Seonghwa’s grip on the steering wheel is bruising as he witnesses the man grab Hongjoong’s arm to tilt his chin with a leer. It’s all it takes for him to step out of the car in panic, but thankfully Hongjoong takes it to himself to push the man away before running inside the building for safety.

Seonghwa stood by his car, dumbfounded, trying to make sense of what he saw. Is this where Hongjoong had been disappearing to? Technically, it wasn't cheating. As agonizing it was for him to admit, Hongjoong and him weren't anything. Both of them had the unspoken liberty to be with anyone, love, _fuck_ anyone they want and that scares him because Seonghwa has long given up his heart for the boy but he never could really say the same for Hongjoong.

When he arrives at his floor, he's almost fooled with the way Hongjoong greets him, all bright eyes and even brighter smile.

"Hyung!"

Seonghwa couldn't even return the hug, mind clouded with turmoil from what he just witnessed. "Who was he?" He’s not hear to beat around the bush anymore.

Hongjoong blinks, feigning innocence as always. Makes him wonder how many times Hongjoong pulled this act on him. "Who’s what?"

"The one stalking you on the parking lot.” He grumbles and Hongjoong’s face melt gruffly. “Who was it?"

Hongjoong scoffs, "And that's your business because?"

"Don't pull that attitude on me young man." Seonghwa snaps. He always knew how to level his temper, even on bad days, but this time it’s like a tense cord inside him snaps and he finally learns to let go everything that’s been bothering him.

Though Hongjoong doesn’t seem to be affected by it when he just rolls his eyes before turning his back against him. Seonghwa decided he was having none of it and grabs the boy by the arm.

“Hey, what the fuck, let me go.” Hongjoong winces, jerking away from his hold.

"You've been gone Hongjoong.” He grumbles, “What are you not telling me?"

Hongjoong stops squirming to raise a brow at him. He was expecting the boy to retaliate, call him names, maybe even punch him on the face for being so blatantly hot-headed, but nothing could have ever prepared him to see Hongjoong smile coyly instead, lips twisting into a sinister grin. It throws Seonghwa off for a second, but it doesn’t stop him from placing a firm hold on the younger's shoulder, trying to shake some sense in the boy.

"Tell me. You have to tell me, I've been worried sick, Joong. I-I don't know what's happening anymore."

Seonghwa’s voice cracks in desperation. Hongjoong opens his mouth, but not to come out clean, no, Hongjoong _laughs_. The boy bursts into an unwarranted fits of giggles, as if he found the whole dilemma amusing. Seonghwa stares at him disbelievingly, unable to comprehend what was so funny.

Is it because he’s almost on his knees, frantic for an explanation? Or is it because the answer was right on his face and he failed to see it this whole time? Seonghwa doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know what’s real and false anymore.

"Hongjoong," This time he begs, "Please...tell me what's going on berry..."

"Or what?" Hongjoong mockingly counters in between chuckles. "What are you gonna do, fuck me?"

Seonghwa's eyes could only widen, taken aback by the crude words. "What are you on about—"

"You heard me." Stepping forward, Hongjoong smiles smugly, "Go on then." The younger grabs his arms to brings it on his waist, pressing their hips together. "Come on, what are you waiting for. Fuck it out of me. You like them young don't you? Just like everyone el—"

There’s silence, followed by the sound of skin echoing in the room. It all happens to fast, him bringing his hand up, his palm suddenly making contact with Hongjoong’s cheek, and then seeing red bloom on the other’s skin. It was too late to realize what he'd done as Seonghwa feels the world go in slow motion when Hongjoong's head is thrown to the side.

"Berry...I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to--"

Hongjoong flinches, staring back at him with fear-riddled eyes, glossed with tears. His hand was over his face, shielding the pain he inflicted. Seonghwa has never seen Hongjoong like this before, so small and so scared because of him.

“You’re a monster.”

Hongjoong cries, screams. The walls kept the noise inside, but it feels like the pained shout pierced through the concrete. Hongjoong sprints past him, to his corner where he tosses the table over to break everything. His easel. The brushes. Throwing every can of paint all over the carpet while sobbing uncontrollably. And Seonghwa lets him make a mess. He deserves this. Seonghwa did this. This is all because of _him._

Eventually Seonghwa runs to grab Hongjoong's wrist, afraid the boy would hurt himself if he continues. From his tear streaked eyes, Hongjoong punches him weakly on the chest before weakly muttering.

"I hate you..."

With the slam of the door, he storms out. Seonghwa wants nothing but to run after him, but his fear of exposing this side of him to the people outside become heavy, weighing his feet down with every step until he freezes midway in the room, not knowing what to do.

Seonghwa probably suffocated him, trying to take control of what he can just to save his failure in becoming the man Hongjoong wants. Maybe it’s why Hongjoong chose to spend time with other people that wasn’t him—because he’d been unbearable and stale. Maybe it’s why Hongjoong hates him. Hate. Funny how a simple word could send his world crashing down.

What was the point when the only person who gave him life loathes him?

It’s evening when Seonghwa finds the courage to look for Hongjoong. He looks for every place, every street where the boy could have run to until the dark skies pour, almost as if it was lamenting at his misery. Seonghwa was on the verge of giving up until he sees a familiar mop of blue hair a few streets away from his house. He wastes no time in stopping the car and rushing towards Hongjoong who was drenched in the rain, still sobbing. 

Seonghwa's first instinct was to pull the boy in a hug. It’s like the younger was waiting for him all along, reciprocating it too easily and pressing their bodies together, too lost to pay any mind Hongjoong’s damp clothes soaking through his own.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Joongie. I'm here…” He whispers softly, “I’m here, don't cry, berry."

Hongjoong doesn’t reply and instead crashes their lips together. Hongjoong’s lips are freezing cold touching Seonghwa’s cheeks and neck as he attempts to get closer, to feel more. The kiss was heated. Rough. Messy. Too much pent up emotions and frustration translated into the hungry movement of their mouth. Hongjoong cries through it, so Seonghwa deepens the kiss, like it’d kill him to hear him like that.

The drive to his apartment was silent. Seonghwa already phoned Hongjoong’s dad the boy will be staying over his place. An important meeting was enough excuse for the man to agree. By now Seonghwa's gotten used to lying that it slips naturally. It’s quiet when he helps Hongjoong change out of his soaked clothes, and even quieter when he washes him in silence. Even until he tucks the boy to bed, Hongjoong keeps mum, lips pursed in a tight line and eyes devoid of soul.

"Goodnight." Seonghwa whispers against his head, kissing the damp hair. Hongjoong doesn't say anything and pulls the blanket over his head.

When Seonghwa wakes up the next day, the boy was gone.

It’s his fault. There’s no other logical explanation for it. Everything that led them to this pit of despair is rooted to Seonghwa’s negligence and obsession. To make things worse, Hongjoong became distant, more _careful_ , a full contrast to the playful kid he met. The flower that once gave him color, was wilting before his very eyes. And it’s all his fault. Seonghwa would prefer his fits over anything but watching the other blankly stare at the windows for hours, before plopping back on the couch, sobbing quietly.

He’s inconsolable, but how can Seonghwa fix a wrong he doesn't know in the first place?

"Hyung let's go out."

After days of cold shoulders, it was the first time Hongjoong approached him on his own. Something about it makes his heart skip.

“Sure, of course.”

He has work, but Seonghwa has learned the hard way what killing their time together leads to after their hurdles the last few days, so he wastes no time in grabbing his keys. As they traipse outdoors, Hongjoong links their fingers together, something they normally wouldn’t do in the open. But Seonghwa braves through it and holds the boy’s hand tightly like he’s afraid to let him go. A few people were staring but Seonghwa didn't care. They both didn't.

They talk about Hongjoong’s day. How he spent the past few days working on admission papers for a number of colleges. Though Seonghwa’s got the connections to take him where he wants—literally, anywhere—Hongjoong is still putting effort into it. Hearing Hongjoong talk, explaining the works he submitted, Seonghwa is proud. Hongjoong is so smart, and so determined. He doesn’t know what the boy will do, but he knows in a few years, Hongjoong will be coloring the world in some way, just like how he did with Seonghwa’s heart.

Seonghwa can feel his expression go soft as Hongjoong speaks so animatedly exactly like the first days they got acquainted, feels the way his chest grows heavy with emotion. He feels so much for this kid, this young man of eighteen with so much spirit.

He glances around to check if there’s no busy-bodies around and presses a quick kiss to Hongjoong’s lips, catching the boy off-guard. It’s short, but he makes sure it’s a good one because it’s going to have to last him the next little while. This isn’t the sort of place he can get away kissing the boy every time his whim takes him, but Seonghwa felt like he can do anything in that moment.

Throughout the rest of the day Seonghwa pretends they were fine.

A day with Hongjoong felt like an explosive second. They spent the whole afternoon going around, eating, playing, embarrassing themselves until they lost track of time. Just like good old times. Something about devoting time with Hongjoong here, sharing their laughs, exchanging words in the same air they met _,_ makes it a tad bit more special. And when Seonghwa checks his watch the second time it was already midnight.

It’s Hongjoong who suggested they go back to his office. An odd but smart choice with the building already empty of his workers, guaranteeing their freedom from judging eyes.

"I've been here for so long and it's the first time I'm seeing this view."

Hongjoong gazes at the skyscrapers through the glass walls, his face illuminated with a pale blue from the city lights. Seonghwa takes a look himself, at the people looking like ants, the vehicles making bokes of light from the highways, nothing special really. It’s view that had become mundane for Seonghwa after having it as the backdrop of his stale life for years.

“Should probably spend more time here then at night…or at day.” Seonghwa’s aware of the underlying intent of his suggestion—for Hongjoong to spend more time here. With him. He gauges Hongjoong’s reaction who continues staring intently at the view.

“I should shouldn’t I?” Hongjoong mutters softly, turning to face him. "Need a blueberry."

Seonghwa chuckles and picks up a lollipop from his desk. He’s been working so much lately that he hadn’t realized it was the last piece, but he makes a mental note to have it replenished later. Unwrapping it, he slides the lollipop in the boy's mouth, accidentally slipping his fingers between the younger’s lips by mistake. Seonghwa’s about to pull away, but there’s a suction on his finger that sends a jolt up his spine.

“Baby…” Seonghwa exhales, watching Hongjoong throw the candy to suck on his fingers instead.

It’s messy, the way the boy’s saliva coats his fingers, but god does it drive him crazy. Seonghwa instantly replaces with his mouth, kissing hard. There was a certain need to this one, and Seonghwa gets lost in the warm feeling that rises in the pit of his stomach, so he sets to do it once more, and then again and again and again, lapping at the chaste mouth.

"P-please, hyung..." Hongjoong whimpers.

Hongjoong didn't need to say more as they shed themselves of their clothes. It was Hongjoong who pools his pants down, revealing Seonghwa’s erection, red and hardening. The boy is quick to get on his knees, attaching his mouth on his length. Seonghwa feels something hungry, needy grow and ache in his chest when he grinds down into Hongjoong’s tongue and bucks his hips up, chasing the friction of the boy’s mouth.

“F-fuck, Joong…So good, such a good boy.”

But he’s not here to fall apart like this, maybe another time, so he pushes the other gently towards the row of windows, lining Hongjoong’s jaw with kisses before mouthing ‘turn around’ against warm skin tinted with pink hues. Hongjoong complies, and Seonghwa took it upon himself to spin him in his grip, his hands flying out to meet cool glass. Seonghwa’s fingers fan to the younger’s hipbones as he grounds into him, sending him forward just enough so he was pressed lovingly against the glass.

“What a view…” Hongjoong chuckles through small mewls, rocking his hips back to meet one of Seonghwa’s jerks and meriting a soft hiss in response.

Seonghwa’s slick fingers made their way up the insides of his bare thighs, ghosting feather-light, thumbing gently against his hole. Hongjoong groans at the intrusion and the older curls his finger before slipping another one and soon Hongjoong was a whining mess, moisture of his breath clouding the transparent panes.

“S-Seonghwa-hyung,” Hongjoong keens low in his throat, facing him again. “Fuck me…”

The boy didn’t need to ask as Seonghwa pushes in one thrust with a groan. Saliva wasn't much, but it helps with the slide when he penetrates the tight heat he was deprived of for days. Hongjoong’s weight was nothing with his back against the glass as he takes every inch, moaning wantonly against his shoulder. Seonghwa moves his hips, almost crushing the boy against the windows. But seeing Hongjoong fall apart like this under the lights, on the place they first met, it was ecstatic.

"Deeper, hyung.” Hongjoong whispers, breathless, “Make me remember."

So Seonghwa does, thrusting inside him, deeper, harder, faster, like how Hongjoong begged for it. And Hongjoong takes it all. The pace was exquisitely slow, Seonghwa taking his time to revel in the beautiful moment. He wants to show the world how much he adores the boy, it was only _him_ who could turn Hongjoong like this and the other way around. If only he could. If only _they_ could...

“H-hyung…hyung I’m cumming, I’m cumming…” Hongjoong whines brokenly.

“Me too berry…” Seonghwa hisses back, hips stuttering ruthlessly as he tries to chase euphoria.

Their fingers were intertwined when they reach their climax together, lips on one another as they drowned each other's moans while they ride their high. Hongjoong almost collapses on the ground when Seonghwa’s knees gave in, but he makes sure to catch the boy before delicately carrying him to the couch where they try to regain their sanity together.

Hongjoong looks like a dream. He can’t be real. He can’t be Seonghwa’s. No man should be this lucky. There's hints of tears on the other’s eyes again, and worry takes over Seonghwa naturally.

"Are you alright? Did I go too hard?"

There’s a sad smile on Hongjoong’s lips as he shakes his head. "Hyung can you promise me something?” A pause. Hongjoong was never one to hesitate with his requests, so this one has Seonghwa raising a curious stare until the younger murmurs.

“Promise, you won’t wait for me?”

For a moment Seonghwa furrows his brows, puzzled. But then he remembers about Hongjoong bringing up earlier about being gone to finalize some things for university and Seonghwa chuckles. It really isn’t a special favour ever since he’d gotten used with his intermittent visits. Hongjoong needed a life outside of him, of _them_ after all, and who is Seonghwa to deprive him from that.

"One week isn’t that long.” Smiling, Seonghwa pushes a blue lock away from his lashes. “Look at you being a big boy and handling college by yourself. I'm so proud of you."

He almost misses the other’s smile falter. "Just…” Hongjoong huffs against his chest, “Promise me, hyung, please. I know it’s just…a week, I just don’t want you waiting up too much. Maybe you can have fun on your own while I’m gone. Take a vacation or something, that sounds nice. You can try hanging out with that tall guy, erm, who was it again…”

“Yunho?”

“Yeah, him!” Hongjoong smiles weakly, “Go on have fun without me.”

Even if he tries, Seonghwa knows it’s useless since Hongjoong is the one that brings him happiness now, the source of everything good that came in his life. But he nods anyways, dropping a fleeting kiss on the younger’s nose. If that’s what Hongjoong wants.

“Of course berry…Anything for you.”

His hands settle on the small of Hongjoong’s back. Just holding him. Their hearts beat together, chests expanding in tandem as they lay there. There’s nothing else like Hongjoong’s eyes when it captivates his. So bright and deep and so…sad. But he vows to change that. It wasn’t long before Hongjoong falls asleep in his arms. Seonghwa whispers something against his hair. Something hushed and soft that one would’ve missed it if they weren’t listening intently.

Something that sounds like an _I love you._

* * *

Yunho was more than grateful to visit him days later. Hongjoong hasn’t showed up since he woke up on his office on the couch alone. Again, nothing he wasn’t used to. There’s far more dangers on being seen half naked with a barely adolescent who works in your office than being seen half naked alone.

Currently he’s occupied checking out the newly ordered art supplies he just canvassed. It’s hard to find replacement for every one Hongjoong broke during their…fight last week, but it’s thankfully taken care of after hours of staring at his screen.

"So who is it?"

Seonghwa looks up from his phone to pay attention to his visitor. Right, Yunho was here.

"Who’s what?” He peers through his glasses and greeting him was the suggestive smirk on his friend’s face.

"The one you're dating." Yunho crosses his arms, "They must be quite the artist if you're splurging over those stuff. Unless you're into a new hobby again."

Nosy Yunho as usual. "It's no one."

One thing about Yunho was he’s not a quitter, so Seonghwa’s already half expecting it when the overgrown puppy nudges him on the shoulder to insist. "C'mon it’s been the talk of the company nowadays. Is it someone in the office? Gotta be Miyu from secretariat right? She's hot."

Pocketing his phone, Seonghwa scoffs. Yunho could probably take his sweet time naming all his employees and he still won't budge. This was going to be a long day.

“I don’t know who and what you’re talking about. Shouldn’t you be here to pick up the reports?”

“C’mon hyung, indulge me with this one.” Yunho insists once more, plopping on the chair across him. He catches his friend glance at the empty jar on the table where Hongjoong’s lollipops were stocked, which reminds him he really should buy that new pack while the boy’s still away. Seonghwa’s about to pick up the phone to relay the errand until Yunho chimes in. "Is it the boy?"

His fingers pause and a part of his soul immobilizes, but Seonghwa keeps his front smoothly, not even a hint of a break on his character as he throws Yunho a quizzical look.

"That's absurd." Seonghwa chuckles. "Why would you think that?"

Yunho simply shrugs his shoulder, drumming his fingers against the hardwood. "I don't know. He seems to be the only one you're close to recently and I overheard marketing one t—"

"They're just rumors." He breathes out. "You know better, Yunho."

"Right, right my bad." Intimidated, Yunho waves his hands as if to dissipate the tension. An old habit. "But Seonghwa, if it makes any difference, you look better." Seonghwa raises a brow. "No really, I'm just glad you found someone you’re happy to be with. It’s showing you know, how you’re glowing and all that love pizazz. You look better." Yunho says once more.

Seonghwa smiles to himself. He really did.

* * *

Hongjoong never disappeared for more than a week, even if he wasn’t present for a few days, he’d always make sure to give him Seonghwa a call and Seonghwa could only wait for so long before he starts getting worried.

"Mr Kim, I'm sorry for calling at such a late hour. I—"

"No, no it’s fine Sir.” The man was quick to interrupt. “Is this about Hongjoong?"

"Yes. He hasn't come the past few days. I tried to reach him but my calls aren’t going through.”

"Darn boy.” A huff of nuisance. “Probably out with his friends again. I haven't seen him around too. He always seems to leave early and come home late."

Seonghwa resists the urge to slam the phone back, sighing profoundly. "He told me he was fixing things for college. Do you know where he's applying so I can check?"

Mr Kim scoffs haughtily. "Impossible I got business school handled for him months ago. All he got to do is show up there and he’s good to go. Hongjoong wouldn’t dare to try for other universities when I spent so much for miscellaneous fees alone. Funny story because—"

He tunes out to Mr Kim's ramble. If Hongjoong’s college was already taken care of, then what was he doing all this time? His head starts to spin, and Seonghwa finds himself heavily resigning back to his seat.

"—I'll get back to you soon as soon as I see him. I’ll make sure to give him a word about this. I’m sorry Mr Park, hope this doesn't affect his performance at w—"

Seonghwa flings his phone across the room, the device smashing against the floor. Hongjoong was gone. His fucking son was missing and all the man could think about was work. Seonghwa yells, grasping his hair in frustration like a madman. Maybe he really has been going crazy. Maybe he’s been making it up: the lollipops, Florence, Hongjoong.

But the aching in his chest is very much real and Seonghwa isn’t going to let the only important thing in his life disappear like that. So he pulls every strings he could. Private detectives, cops—Seonghwa gathers every informant he could muster to find Hongjoong.

He starts with Hongjoong’s old highschool, where Seonghwa discovers that the young man kept a tight circle. Hongjoong barely has any friends, the teachers would tell him, along with the fact he was a mysterious talent everyone silently esteemed. There’s a couple of Hongjoong’s bold admirers he interrogates—Seonghwa grits his way through it, barely tolerating their dreamy stares and praises while they talk about Hongjoong.

In the end, Seonghwa leaves the school with exhaustion and the depressing detail Hongjoong had lied to him on seeing his ‘friends’.

The next days, it was about the men Hongjoong was seeing, his people quick to track each one of them. Seonghwa doesn’t need to know how—he’s done shying between the line of lawful and illegal for the boy.

They were all like him, well-off and reputable in their careers. Businessmen. Lawyers. Doctors. Some bachelors, even married ones. The only thing these men had in common is that none of them gave anything useful—claiming they only met Hongjoong once and never after that. Seonghwa never asks why, too afraid to hear the _truth_.

"Where is he?"

The man behind the door was obviously surprised at his unsolicited entrance when he yells back. “Who the fuck are you?”

"Hongjoong, I'm talking about Kim Hongjoong." Seonghwa grabs the man’s collar and seethes, “Where is he?”

"H-How should I know?" The man stutters, his pupils shaking. Seonghwa takes one last look around the room for something, _anything_ that will point him to where the boy was before sending the man’s back forcefully against the wall.

“What was he doing with you?”

“I-I can’t tell, please…” The man sinks to his knees, fisting the hem of his suit. “I have a wife, if anyone finds out she’ll win custody of our kid. I didn’t do anything to the boy I swear I just—”

Seonghwa couldn’t bring himself to care as he sends a fist on the man’s face in disgust. In reality, he wasn’t ready to stomach whatever the man was about to spout on what Hongjoong had been doing behind his back. A lurking speculation had been sitting behind his mind for so long, but Seonghwa pushes it away because no, even if Hongjoong was a little robust and childish, it couldn’t be possible the boy would do _things_ to—Seonghwa doesn’t even want to go there.

As Seonghwa spent gruelling days praying to whatever deity was up there to bring Hongjoong back, his informants do the job for him. He barely gets a wink anymore, opting to sleep inside his office, spending half the day dialling numbers, driving to places where the boy could’ve been. Seonghwa takes a trip to memory lane while he visits places they’ve been together for the last few months. Seonghwa misses it. Seonghwa misses _him._

It wasn’t until another week later before he got the news. France, the detective tells him. Hongjoong was seen in France. It only took them this long to track the boy because apparently Hongjoong _‘did a pretty great job erasing his records’_ that even their best men got themselves a challenge. Of course Hongjoong would do that, he’s a smart kid after all.

Taking out the photo, Seonghwa’s heart threatened to jump out of his chest when he sees the blue haired boy—only this time a little more faded to resemble aquamarine.

Seonghwa catches the soonest flight to Europe, not even bothering to pack up. He navigates his way through the location given. France was no joke. France was oceans and landmasses away and even as Seonghwa drives his car his mind couldn’t fathom as to why the boy was so far away from home, from _him._ He feels elated, but at the same time bewildered as to how things have come to this.

It’s almost an hour drive, but Seonghwa eventually gets there. It’s a college town he realizes later, when he sees the magnificent façade of a university from a distant. There’s a swarm of kids, college kids along blocky apartelles. It’s hard finding a space to park alone, much more look for a person in a foreign town, but Seonghwa didn’t come a long way to give up so easily.

He spends the whole day showing pictures of the younger to every stranger he meets, asking them for any leads, until Seonghwa sees a tuft of blue hair exiting one of the lofts. Seonghwa has carded his fingers through that hair countless times, has seen that sweater and overalls wrapped on that all-too familiar built, and it’s all it takes for him to recognize Hongjoong in a heartbeat.

"Hongjoong!"

His first instinct was to call out the boy's name. He watches Hongjoong look for the source of the call until their eyes meet in the distance. Seonghwa’s too excited to notice the expression on the boy’s face as he runs to him. But before he could even encompass him in warmth, Hongjoong was quick to grab his wrist and drag him to a quiet alley.

He’s a slightly bemused, but he figures less people, more privacy and there Seonghwa takes his sweet time in embracing the boy, taking in what he had lost for more than a month. It feels blissful, having him in his arms again, but it doesn’t last long when Hongjoong places a hand between them.

"How did you find me?" Hongjoong asks sternly.

"A month." Seonghwa sighs. "You've been gone for a month I've been so worried. I thought something bad happened to you and you—you’re in France!” He exclaims, “What are you doing here Hongjoong?"

"Hyung..." was the only thing he hears out of the boy's mouth. Poor thing must've been overwhelmed seeing him, so Seonghwa takes his hand, cold even with the gloves.

"When are you coming back? I can stay here with you until you finish your business. You could've told me you know."

Hongjoong stills, head cast down.

"Hyung...I-I'm sorry...I..."

His voice shakes and Seonghwa feels his heart twinge.

"Hongjoong, you are coming back, right?" Seonghwa gently places a hand on his shoulder, "Berry please, please...you're coming back to me right?" Desperation laces his voice. Hongjoong was coming back…right? He was just away because he needed time to fix things on his own. Surely. No, _definitely._

"It was just about the money." Hongjoong says all of a sudden, and something inside his chest pops. "Wanted to fucking move out. Hated dad. Hated home. Y-you saw me hyung—you knew how much I wanted to be out of it all. Nothing was ever the same ever since mom died and dad, he wanted me to carry on his shitty excuse of a legacy because he knows how much of a fucking failure he was and…and I hated it.”

Seonghwa stands there frozen, unsure how to react. “Hongjoong…”

“So I planned on it. There’s a lot more disgusting perverts in the district than I thought that’s willing to pay up for my time. It was the only way I knew how.” Hongjoong bites back a sob. “It was going okay but you happened. I-I wasn’t supposed to waste my time but _you_ happened, Seonghwa. You weren’t like any one of them. You were actually nice to me, and _god,_ I hated myself every second I played you. Every time you were weak for me b-because I actually liked it.”

It’s useless to deny that deep inside there’s that part of him that already knows. Seonghwa has solved cases, delved in scandals, saved vicious people from their crimes, he’s smart to know what’s happening. He was just refusing to accept reality. There's a part of him that hoped Hongjoong won't do it to him. Even if he did, Seonghwa prepared himself to accept the worse. Money was nothing to him after all.

“You don’t know how much guilt I had to swallow doing those things to you.” Sniffling, Hongjoong cuts off his thoughts. “I wanted you to hate me so I could have a reason to leave and it…and it wouldn’t hurt.”

"So those men you were meeting?"

"Don’t you get it? I was stealing from them!” The younger cries. “Wiring from their cards, picking up cash like some dirty thief. Fuck, you must think I’m pathetic but I did it to them, I had to, I did it to _you_!"

_I know,_ Seonghwa's mind echoes. The small mishap at the hotel. The declined cards. His disappearances. Everything is adding up now. Seonghwa feels his lips tremble when he asks, "Did they touch you?"

The first roll of tear drops from Hongjoong's eyes, tracing his cheek. Seonghwa doesn’t hold back and bursts, "Tell me Hongjoong did you let them fuck you!"

"No! They were just lonely people looking to spend some time with kids. I did some things b-but, I wouldn't let them touch me. I couldn't when you were there. I-I couldn’t."

Seonghwa feels a pang ache inside his chest, something physical and raw when Hongjoong cries into his sleeve. The boy looks like he was drowning in his misery just as he was, he couldn’t begin to imagine how much he had to suffer being with those terrible men who dared to hurt him. "Don't you hate me?"

Seonghwa knows it's excessive but he cups Hongjoong's cheeks, "How could I?"

"Well you should.” His arms were caught off guard when Hongjoong brings it to his face, “I got caught once you know. They saw me tapping into their card and they almost beat me up. So hit me if it makes you feel better."

Hongjoong holds his hands and brings it to his face, urging him to hit. The scar on his cheek. The bruises. That one time he was bleeding. Seonghwa had let these men hurt him. Even with a gun to his head, Seonghwa wouldn’t hurt the boy again like that. Once was enough and until now the look on Hongjoong’s face from that day haunts him, so instead Seonghwa caresses his cheek, feels the soaked warmth in his fingertips.

"Hyung, please…Hit me.” Placing his hands across his chest, Hongjoong pleads. “Hit me.”

"I don't care. Hongjoong I don't fucking care if you lied to me. I don’t care if you were seeing people behind my back. I don’t care if you steal everything I own right now. You’re hurt. I hurt you and these people were hurting you and I didn’t know. I should’ve known..." Seonghwa gasps painfully. “Come back to me berry, please? I-I’ll do anything, just…”

“You promised me you wouldn’t wait.” The boy cries back. “Remember? Hyung, you promised.”

“I didn’t say I was going to leave you.” Seonghwa insists. There’s tears pooling on his eyes, but he swallows down the bile on his throat. “I don’t know what I’d do I-I can’t keep living without you. I’ll _die_ Hongjoong. Don’t do this to me.”

It’s manipulative of him to say so, Seonghwa knows, but he’s desperate. Right now everything felt like an ocean rushing to drown him and it still doesn’t work when Hongjoong pushes him away. "I-I have to go. Please don't look for me again, okay? I don’t want to see you anymore hyung."

Seonghwa feels creaking, his body screaming in agony. His heart threatens to jump out of his chest to leave him to bleed. If the words themselves weren’t enough to shatter his heart in an instant, the look on his face was. Hongjoong’s eyes were guarded, mouth set in a firm, resolute line. Seonghwa knew the younger’s face better than his own, and he knows his mind was made up. But that wouldn’t stop him from trying to know the truth.

"I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. Just please, tell me something berry did—"

"Stop calling me that.” Hongjoong cuts of spitefully. “I don’t deserve it. You’re sick Seonghwa. You’re sick for liking me.”

_That’s not true,_ Seonghwa wants to scream back. Hongjoong doesn’t mean it. _He’s only saying it to keep you away._

"Just give me this one please…” He tries again, “Did you love me?"

Seonghwa waits. He couldn’t say how long they stood on that spot. It could have been a minute or a day, but time has stopped having meaning the second Hongjoong told him to leave.

"Hongjoong answer me." Seonghwa begs, levelling with the other’s downcast eyes as if he would find the answer there. "Tell me, please tell me. I don’t care if you didn’t, just let me know about thi—"

"I did." A peck on his lips. "I loved you—still do hyung. I don’t expect you to understand, but please don’t find me. I love you, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa reaches out to hug him. He breathes in and out, takes everything in while he could. Hongjoong’s smell, the weight and warmth of his body next to him, the way his skin feels under his touch. It feels like it used to and it’s more than enough for him. It feels safe and secure. And it’s hard to believe he’ll lose it now.

Hongjoong loved him, _loves_ him. And it’s all that matters.

Without looking back, Seonghwa runs. Runs where his feet could take him. No farewell or bittersweet goodbyes—if they’re going to part ways, Seonghwa wants those to be the last words he hears from Hongjoong. His world shifts from its axis and tumbles down, breaking before his feet. When his steps start becoming heavier and Seonghwa lets his back rest on the wall, sitting on the ground and curling his knees to his face.

Seonghwa cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been ready for a while but I had to double check and rewrite because of what happened. I’m part of an organization who handles donation drives for typhoon and flood victims here so I’ve been very busy so I’m sorry this took so long. Plus the workload for online classes is pretty fucking hectic lately.
> 
> How are you guys doing? If you're still here even after the turmoil that happened weeks ago, thank you so much. I have so much story ideas in store to make it up to you. Hang in there. Comments would mean a lot as usual. You guys don't know how much your words have helped me get back to writing :)


	5. fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW: underage drinking, perverts, unhealthy coping mechanisms**
> 
> I’m sorry this came in so late. Thesis has been stressful and this upcoming comeback was all the fuel I needed to spout this word vomit.

When Hongjoong was 11, the girls in his class filled his desk with chocolates and flower.

At that chilly Valentines day, he never really understood why someone would give him gifts for free. When he asked his seatmate about it, he explained it was because everyone found him pretty.

Of course back then young Hongjoong have winced at the idea of being called ‘pretty’. Boys weren’t supposed to be pretty. That’s what girls are for. Still, he happily munches the sweets away.

It dawned to him that day that treats were sweeter when they were free.

At 13 a boy gave him a bouquet of flowers.

_“Hongjoong, I like you.”_ The boy from his class confessed after cornering him in math class.

Though a little confused, Hongjoong had accepted the bouquet whole heartedly. It was also at this age he realized boys can, apparently, like boys too. He wasn’t entirely opposed with the idea. Hongjoong himself wasn’t entirely sure if he liked boys that way, but it does explain a lot why some guys from the football team would stare at him weirdly when he walked back home.

At 15 his mother dies.

A cardiac arrest they said. Hongjoong and his dad lifelessly stared at the casket, eyes swollen from crying too much. His mom had always been his savior. The only person who truly understood and cared for him, and Hongjoong felt every ounce of that love until she passed away.

Now that she was gone, Hongjoong felt like a lost cause.

It didn’t help that his father and him never really got along, and it just became worse when Hongjoong tacitly came out of the closet that supposedly peaceful family dinner. His dad wasn’t violent, although his sharp words and obsession to control his life had dug unwanted blades in Hongjoong’s chest.

For the first time in his life, Hongjoong knew what real _pain_ felt. But do what you need to do to cope, his friends had said to him. So Hongjoong did exactly just that.

At 16, he went to his first college party.

Hongjoong didn’t know how his friends have managed to sneak them in the frat house near their school, but there he was. The girls there were curvier, more confident and raucous in their skintight dresses. But it’s the guys who were taller, muscles bulging from their shirts that reeked of alcohol and something most definitely not legal, that caught Hongjoong’s attention more.

Hongjoong, probably the only highschooler in that chaos, felt small standing there in the middle of the crowd.

"You lost kid?"

Hongjoong didn’t really know why he’d let himself spiral out of control after that. He didn’t know why he let the boy talk to him or invade his space. He didn’t know why he let himself be led to the empty balcony by a total stranger. He didn’t know why he let said stranger pull him by the waist and crash their lips together.

It was his first kiss.

There were no fireworks unlike what most people described. Just a rough contact of lips and his heart thundering in his chest out of grief. Hongjoong was practically gaping while the guy tried to slide his tongue in, but thankfully he regained a spot of sanity to push him away. Hongjoong could still remember the smug look in the college boy’s face before ditching him there.

But Hongjoong didn't mind. There were many things taken from him already, what's one kiss going to do to him.

A week before his seventeenth birthday, Hongjoong learned that college boys weren't the only ones… _allured_ , with him.

His dad loved to invite over his colleagues at home. What was not spent insulting Hongjoong’s lifestyle, his dad spent on building his network and kissing ass to keep them afloat. It’s like it was so easy for his father to brag about his achievements to co-workers and degrade him to a tool once more in their absence.

“Son when is that pie coming out?”

_Son my ass,_ Hongjoong wanted to retaliate back every time, but he knew what defying his dad’s wishes did to his already sorry future and he quickly scurried to the kitchen.

There he saw his father laughing haughtily with his co-workers. It wasn’t a new sight, but what caught his eye was the way one of them was staring at him intently. The older man was decently attractive, looked almost dashing in the suit he wore.

Hongjoong wasn’t stupid. He knew what that look meant. Still decided to test his theory. Even when he purposely bent down to take the pie out of the oven, he pretended not to notice the man’s gaze, feeling a little daring to see where this risky venture would take him.

When he finished serving them, Hongjoong boldly bit his bottom lip while staring back at the man with faux interest as he climbed up to his room.

Hongjoong bounced straight to the shower, leaving the door slightly ajar. He shed himself of his clothes and lets himself be drizzled with the warm water. At first Hongjoong thought, he wouldn’t dare right? There’s no way the man would risk acting on his urges, not while they were in his own father’s house.

But when he heard footsteps traversing his room and senses the looming presence of someone by his bathroom door, Hongjoong’s brow twitched in curiosity. _Oh._

Hongjoong didn’t look behind, simply lathered on his skin and occasionally humming at the reinvigorating warmth of the water. But all the time, he could feel the man’s eyes roaming across his bare body. Phantom touches that were only relayed through air.

For a brief moment he catches sight of the man, work pants pooled to his knees, dick out in the air being stroked in muted grunts. Hongjoong's not unfamiliar to touching himself, but knowing, _hearing_ someone do it to the sight of him... that's something new.

And Hongjoong, he basked in that attention.

Eventually, he decided the fun was over and turned off the shower. At the same time he heard the man’s commotion outside the door, and the first thing he sees when he stepped out of the bath was the man covered in a thin sheen of sweat, leering at him.

“You must be Sujoong’s son, right?” The man, no, _pervert_ ’s smile was repulsive, and yet Hongjoong still flashed an innocent smile.

“What about it?”

"Here,” The man got something out his pocket, then proceeded to toss ten times his weekly allowance on the bed. “Buy some candy or something. Just don't tell your dad I was here." Then as fast as the man came, he left.

The first thing Hongjoong did was poke the stray bills on the carpet, unable to fathom someone would casually give up that much money to cover their eccentricity. But apparently the man was more thoughtless when the sight of a brown, leather wallet near the bathroom door steals his attention. Surely enough when he opened it he sees the man’s credentials, along with his tuition fee’s worth inside.

Technically it wasn't prostitution. That involved the dirty stuff. In this case, men paid him to just breathe around their presence. To sit still and be the twisted object of their desires. They like him dumb, naïve, _innocent—a_ nd Hongjoong planned to feed their sick fantasies by being the perfect pretty doll they wanted him to be while he caught them in their moment of weakness.

Thankfully, he had the convenient network to test his plan. He didn’t show it but Hongjoong prided himself with his admirers in school, silent or not. So it was truly hilarious to catch Keeho from language class attempting to skid a letter inside his locker.

“What’cha doing there?”

Keeho flinched, making a not so graceful move to catch the stationery in his hands before facing Hongjoong with a blush. “Hongjoong!” He glanced at the paper on his hand before hiding it behind his back. “I, uhm, I was just… uh…”

“Is that for me?” Hongjoong pouted, and it’s all it took for Keeho to give up and bravely confess his ‘feelings’.

Hongjoong agreed to one date. A date where Keeho took him to an expensive diner downtown. A date where a phonecall conveniently intervened and forced the other to excuse himself. A date where Keeho leniently gave him his wallet so Hongjoong could pay for their uneventful dinner.

And that’s when Hongjoong did his work, stealthily fishing out a few wons before handing it back to it’s owner with a sugary smile. In the end Hongjoong broke it to him how they weren’t going to work. Keeho accepted the verdict like a gentleman that Hongjoong almost felt bad for stealing from him. Almost.

Hongjoong went home that night with a full stomach and pocket.

Of course, he didn’t stop there. One by one the boys in school had heard about the mysterious darling of the campus agreeing to go out with anyone who asked for a date, and a lot of them didn’t pass up the opportunity to hang out with Kim Hongjoong, someone so pretty yet playful, teasing yet dauntingly charming. And every after rendezvous, Hongjoong came home with more store bags full of paint cans, clothes and canvasses.

Once he decided done picking money from broke highschool boys wasn’t enough anymore, he secretly levelled up to the college boys from the local university. College men were more touchy, always eager to get into his pants like he was an easy bait, but Hongjoong proved them otherwise when he left them with less cash in their pockets, a broken heart or a hard-on.

On his 18th birthday, his dad hit him.

It’s not the physical sting that broke him, but the looming idea that he had no escape from his father’s prospects of turning him to a corporate slave. Hongjoong only expressed his disagreement about his father’s plans for him, told him he wanted to go to arts school instead, even showing him a part of his work to at least prove he _can_ do it, but all he got was a bruise on the head and a crushed spirit.

It was also this day that Hongjoong planned to move out. No, not just move out. He wanted to disappear, start a new life somewhere else.

Hongjoong discovered there’s men out there eager to treat him in exchange for his company. These men were richer, bigger, _older._ Hongjoong never understood why, but when he can easily take away a paper bill or two out of their tailored tuxedos and spoil him who was he to complain?

It began with the divorced accountant from the other block. Hongjoong was more than willing to ‘help’ him carry his groceries. When they arrive to his fancily furnished apartment, the man was lured in by his talk and touches, grinning at the unwarranted attention as he cooked Hongjoong the best gourmet meal.

Then soon, it was lawyers, doctors, businessmen. All willing to spoil this precious, pretty boy to feel better about themselves. All of them sick fucks whom Hongjoong loved to use.

Sometimes he would allow them to kiss him. Let big calloused hands run over his clothes to feel him up. Rarely he encountered ones who were harder to distract, and Hongjoong would get on his knees to turn them putty with his hands and mouth.

Admittedly, Hongjoong enjoyed it. Yet, Hongjoong has long learned to numb himself from it too. Just a few more sacrifices and he can finally start over somewhere thousands of miles away from this hellhole.

Everything was going his way.

Until he meets Park Seonghwa.

* * *

Park Seonghwa was remarkable.

He had not only managed to catch Hongjoong’s attention after a single meeting, but also went as far to occupy each one of his thoughts. And if you ask Hongjoong, that’s something special. He was good looking, sure, but nothing Hongjoong wasn’t used to. Seonghwa’s rich—that’s a must in his list—but thankfully not as old as the creeps who loved to get hands-on.

Hongjoong wanted to call bullshit when the man told him he had no wife, girlfriend, in fact anyone to expend such charms on. It’s hard to believe when he embodied every desirable quality every man and woman would fawn on: young, rich, successful, but most importantly, _vulnerable_.

Seonghwa may be almost ten years older, but Hongjoong was ten steps ahead.

It was the greatest risk he took, baiting Seonghwa. Hongjoong initially assumed men like him would be smartasses who'll figure out his ploy. But no, not Seonghwa. Seonghwa had a clear heart, and Hongjoong didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.

"Is that a new painting?”

Hongjoong looked over his shoulder and saw Seonghwa’s curious gaze on his canvas. There’s hints of dark circles under his eyes, probably from working too hard again.

Hongjoong wasn’t really interested on what CEOs do, but Seonghwa was always like this. Checking on him in between his sparse free time, if he was making any progress on whatever hobby he was engrossed with, asking him if he needed anything.

And every time, Hongjoong pretended that the man was genuinely concerned.

It’s fun toying with the prince of the corporate world. Hongjoong always observed the fleeting glances. The twitch in his finger when he gets a little too close up his space, or the lump in his throat when he wore something that revealed a little too much skin.

His height had become more of a blessing than a curse with Seonghwa towering over him. While the others intimidated him to feeling small, Seonghwa made him feel precious. Like a pearl one would find in the depths of the ocean to keep it tucked under their bed.

And when work took Seonghwa away, that’s when Hongjoong did his own.

The older had dozens of cards littering on his office and it was like plucking roses on a field day. Hongjoong wasn’t stupid to make huge transfers just yet. He finessed slowly but surely. Add that to the fact Seonghwa spoiled him rotten and it was a flawless hustle.

"Seonghwa hyung..." Hongjoong hollered from across the room. As usual Seonghwa wasn’t slick hiding he had been staring the whole time.

"Hmm?"

"I need new brushes." Hongjoong slid into the space between the Seonghwa’s arms to sits on his thighs.

Hongjoong would sense how Seonghwa would tense every time he does so, and he couldn’t resist catching the whiff of whatever luscious perfume Seonghwa splashes himself with.

"Can I borrow some money so I can buy this? They’re limited edition and mine have ran out but I promise I’m going to pay you as soon as I save up enough.”

Seonghwa just spared a glance at his phone before giving him a look. "No need to. I can buy it for you, it’s not that much."

Hongjoong bit back a smirk. He drew his face closer, not enough to kiss, but just enough to get the blood rushing to Seonghwa’s face.

"You'd do that for me?"

Seonghwa cleared his throat, pupils shaking as he diverted his eyes away from the younger. “Of course, Joong. Just let me know.”

Hongjoong resumed sucking on the lollipop he left on the saucer, blue tongue darting out to lick it before grinning at Seonghwa.

It was only supposed to be a month. But for some reason unknown to him, he kept coming back to that lavish office on the top floor.

When he got there, Hongjoong didn’t need to be told—it’s routine for them by now, like clockwork. He’ll lock the door behind him with a turn-and-click, then Seonghwa would look up from where he’s sitting at his desk, still bent over the latest transcripts of sales and figures.

Still, he’s fixed on his goal.

Sometimes when Hongjoong would be bored of hanging out at his place, he’d be at private bars in the district. Waiting for someone in a suit to buy him a drink, whispering his age like a sinful secret that sharpens the predatory glint in their eyes. Hongjoong would always get close, sometimes too close, kissing them back despitefully while his hands finesse to find anything of value.

A ring, a watch, their wallets if he was quick enough. By the end of it, Hongjoong would excuse himself to the bathroom but not without assuring a dirty promise to them, only to leave them hanging when he never returns.

This time though, it was different.

Because when he returned to every one of them, he'd find Seonghwa standing behind the door waiting for him with a small smile.

* * *

Apparently working for Seonghwa just made his dad’s reigns coil tighter and tighter, and it was Hongjoong who suffocated.

How could he even forgive his dad for taking every important school record Hongjoong needed to leave? He was too late, all because he was distracted over the fact Seonghwa was blatantly ignoring him for no reason.

He wanted to destroy, so he destroyed.

Hongjoong hadn’t really expected for Seonghwa to show up when he caused trouble at school. Nor did he expect to break down in front of him either. He was half drunk after magically convincing the older to party his problems away but the memory was crystal in his mind.

Hongjoong felt his blood pumping when he pressed himself into Seonghwa to kiss him. Hongjoong had never felt a kiss so mind-numbingly good, one that melted his bones, and when he woke up the next day on his own bed alone, there was an itching need to find the warmth again.

Confronting Seonghwa about it didn’t even take a lot of convincing. It's the first time he engaged in something like this with his _clients._ But he decided keeping Seonghwa on the leash like this would mean more trust. More trust brought more money.

It didn’t make sense for him to be so obsessed with the idea of seeing Seonghwa, he knew. But for weeks, it’s been Seonghwa who has been filling his thoughts. For weeks, it’s been Seonghwa’s lips that Hongjoong has found himself thinking about.

It didn’t help that Seonghwa kept calling him pretty, brushing his blue hair behind his ear and looking at him like he meant it. _Beautiful_. Hongjoong had been called that so many times it's hard to believe it anymore. But something about the way Seonghwa looks at him, with those deep dark eyes so lovingly, that makes him want to trust.

So Hongjoong would kiss him in return. And yet even with the older’s resolve crumbling in the tip of his fingers, Seonghwa never made a move to take advantage of him.

He knew the man wasn’t an unexperienced prude—who would be when they’re as gorgeous as Park Seonghwa, and Hongjoong could just imagine the throngs of men and women that have thrown themselves on his path, whether for money or his irresistible charms.

Seonghwa though, was a feeble conservative. If not at all, then he surely was for Hongjoong.

Seonghwa would always ask before delving deeper, always doubting if he wanted to do this and that. Truly, his heart stuttered at the sweetness of it, but Hongjoong stepped into this game knowing if he was going to have some fun, he would need to take things up a notch.

“Mr Park are you alright?”

Hongjoong could hear the secretary all the way from under the table. He knew he made a pretty picture with his pink lips stretched around Seonghwa’s meaty cock, so he kept focus on the thick tip, bobbing his head ups and downs, slurping and slobbering and stroking it, thumbing the underside veins. He loved the gentle sting in his hair when Seonghwa tried to stop him from moving.

“The intern couldn’t make it today?”

She was a nice lady, Hongjoong knew that by now, but sometimes, she just couldn’t read the room. But then, how was she even supposed to know the person she brought up was currently occupied with her boss’ dick inside his mouth.

“Yeah.” Seonghwa coughed into his hand. “Got caught up with school that kid. I-I think I can handle this now, your dismissed.”

“No problem Mr Park. I’ll beep you in with that 2pm appointment later.”

Seonghwa’s thighs relaxed the instant the door shuts. But Hongjoong doesn’t give him time to breathe before stroking him rough and fast.

“You’re gonna… _ugh,_ get us caught one day…” Seonghwa didn’t hold back the guttural sound from his throat. There’s a guiding hand on his nape, holding ever so gently that Hongjoong himself feels his own arousal stirring.

“Gonna practice to give ‘em a good show then.” Hongjoong giggled and attached his mouth on him again.

And fuck what a vision Park Seonghwa was, head thrown back in bliss, groaning his name when he came.

Seonghwa's business trip was the perfect time to escape.

It was the only opportunity Hongjoong saw to finally leave his godforsaken home, and when Hongjoong got the chance to traverse velvet European skies and the crisp breeze between stone pavement sills, he knew, no, he _felt_ his future wasn’t far away from there.

It was also in that quaint utopia where Seonghwa took his first.

Hongjoong was no stranger to taking it from behind, having explored his body countless of times, but it was still different to be filled up with something alive. Seonghwa’s thrust were calculated and careful, a solid fullness hammering his insides in a lovely rhythm. The line of heat connecting their bodies sparked a lightning that has Hongjoong thrashing under the sheet, Seonghwa’s name on his lips. Every kiss was raw pleasure, every touch a kiss of lust, every brush against his prostate a second-long touch of euphoria.

And when they tipped over the edge together, Hongjoong realized he wasn’t doing this anymore for his game—he was doing this for _himself_.

Originally the plan was to leave for good while Seonghwa was away. But the morning Seonghwa had to leave, what he didn’t expect was for the older to spend a moment to behold him in the sleep he feigned. Hongjoong felt light strokes in his hair. A small swipe across his face. And when the kiss on his cheek falls, Hongjoong bears the tender clutch of his chest against his heart.

"Take care while I'm gone okay?"

Hongjoong tried to will away the throb in his head and heart as another a kiss was planted on his temple.

* * *

“Lost?”

Hongjoong had been through the same scenario many times to recognize the intent. The man couldn't be older than fifty with his faint wrinkles and slouch. It’s almost second nature to Hongjoong to do what he usually did.

"Doesn't work." He pointed at the bank machine, pouting the way they all like it. Adorable, childish. "Hungry."

Hongjoong could only supress amusement as the man tried to assist but to no avail. They were always like that, showcasing their hero complex as if it would impress him.

"Looks like it won't accept card right now." The man said, flustered. "Tell you what, why don't I pay for your meal today love?"

Bingo. The old man seemed to love the unabashed attention he was receiving, fooled with the false cherubic pureness Hongjoong displayed. It was men like him who were too foolish to notice the hands that snuck its way down the loose folds of their jacket while Hongjoong took what he needed.

"You're a cute little minx aren't you?” The older leaned to his space, but Hongjoong pinned a finger to his chest that forced him resign with a smirk. “Tell you what, why won’t you pay me a visit later. 308, suite."

Hongjoong weighed if it was worth the risk to do it while Seonghwa was around. But the devil’s tongue was stronger when Seonghwa’s convenient timing to call his name saved him the trouble.

Admittedly it had him on edge when the hotelier stopped their tracks the day later. For the first time, he factored in the possibility of what he would do when he would get caught. Hongjoong never got caught. He was always discreet and quick. Besides, no one should ever suspect a kid, right? If not for Seonghwa, his plans would have flamed right before his eyes on their last day in Italy.

While they walked hand in hand the Florence districts, an ugly guilt vines in his head, but he didn’t let it stop him from relishing one of the most magical days in his life.

Hongjoong hadn’t known love, but maybe, just maybe it felt like this. Holding Seonghwa’s hand, laughing at each other’s stupid jokes, feeling safe, feeling _loved._

When they kiss on the sunset, Hongjoong could only think how deep he had fell into his own trap.

It doesn't get better. Nothing ever does as long as Hongjoong was involved.

Frankly, Hongjoong didn't know what he was doing. He’s a fucking teenager for christ’s sake. He thought avoiding Seonghwa will kill whatever flame is stoking his heart whenever he sees the older. Or maybe Seonghwa would eventually get tired of his brattiness and finally abandon him for good.

Hongjoong hated feeling helpless. So Seonghwa’s countless attempts to offer him a better future was far from tempting. If anything, it was an insult. He hated that while he suffered for his dreams, some people had the privilege to get it in a silver platter tied with a bow. He hated the kind of man Seonghwa was—those who have enough digits in their bank account to live comfortably while the rest of the world burns.

"What are you thinking baby boy?"

Hongjoong inwardly rolled his eyes, tried not to gag as to how the stranger was disgustingly mouthing along his neck.

"Nothing." he muttered back, annoyed. "When are you giving me my pay?" He can’t stay here long. Seonghwa was probably at his office pacing back and forth in worry waiting for his return.

"Calm your horses kid." The man chuckled. “I’m paying you to be a good boy so be it.”

At this point, Hongjoong isn’t even disgusted anymore. Eventually, the man felt satisfied feeling him up and decided to use the bathroom, and Hongjoong used the small window of opportunity to locate the man’s belongings. But his hand betrayed him when it froze on its own.

And all he could think about was how this was wrong. How he wasn’t even supposed to be here or how he wasn’t supposed to do this anymore. Not when Seonghwa had given his heart to him like that, trusting him for all his worth. Hongjoong remained petrified, unable to escape his war in his mind. Just how long could he keep betraying Seonghwa?

It was too late when he heard the door creak and the wallet fell to the ground from Hongjoong’s shaky hands.

"You little fuck." The man seethed.

Hongjoong made a run for it, vaulting his feet to sprint to the door. But the man was faster to grip his wrist and grab whatever hard metal was inconveniently placed near them to deliver a harsh strike against his hand.

Hongjoong cried at the pain, but used what fight he had left in him to push himself away. He knew the man wouldn't get far, too many wary eyes in the hotel’s lobby who could make a name for themselves catching the married, high profile lawyer with someone who looked like a minor.

Even with a small gnash on his hand, his legs moved on their own, sprinting far where his instincts take him. Back to Seonghwa's.

It was also the day Seonghwa almost caught him red handed.

"What are you doing?"

Hongjoong hadn't expected Seonghwa to come back so early, nor buy up the shit excuse he made on the fly. The older had been persistent about his minor injury as usual, even offering to nurse it for him. As the other held him in his arms, lulling him to sleep, Hongjoong couldn’t help the tears that poured out. Seonghwa didn't question it. He never did. It’s like the older was either too afraid of the truth or simply careless.

One thing’s for sure though: Seonghwa didn't deserve any of this.

"Where have you been?"

His dad was piss drunk again, Hongjoong could tell by just how much the alcohol reeked inside their kitchen. A place once a sanctuary for sweets and spices at his mother’s watch was now replaced with the repulsive aroma of rum.

"Nowhere." Hongjoong replied curtly, eager to take off his shoes so he can lock himself in his room before his father lost it again.

"Of course." His dad bit back sardonically, before throwing him a judging look. "You should dye your hair a decent color kid. It's embarrassing enough Mr Park tolerates your absences, at least dress to impress for him."

Hongjoong could only snicker. If he’s gonna impress Seonghwa, it wouldn’t even require any clothes. Besides, Seonghwa loved his hair, as if the head pats he received weren’t proof enough.

"How are you doing there by the way?" His dad added. "Heard he's been pleased with your work ethics or something. Just keep it up yeah? If it won't land me a promotion then at least you don't have to worm your way up from the bottom like I did."

Hongjoong stomped to his room.

_How was he?_ After all these years, his father had the audacity to ask that just now, and not even out of concern.

Where was his dad when Hongjoong was at his worst? When Hongjoong had to scrape whatever left from his money just so he could paint? Where was he when Hongjoong was forced to sacrifice his self-respect to other men just so he could pursue his dream?

Hongjoong picked up the shoebox under his bed, staring at the hefty bills and coins he collected so far. A few more, he decided. Just a few more and he’s leaving for good.

As the day of his departure skate thinner, so was Hongjoong’s patience and temper around Seonghwa. Or, at least, that’s how Hongjoong wanted it to seem.

It would be much easier to leave if Seonghwa hated him. Hongjoong had no problem letting go of things he was attached to—did he? Hongjoong did a great job so far making the older anxious by barely showing up, throwing the cold shoulder for no reason, and on the now rare instances he hung out in Seonghwa’s office, Hongjoong would annoy the living fuck out of him just because he could.

“Ooh what’s this?” Hongjoong scooted over to Seonghwa’s side, _accidentally_ hitting the latter’s arm to which Seonghwa briefly paused at to give him a look.

"Berry, I'm working." Hongjoong responded by nuzzling his nose on the other’s cheek and snatching the pen from the older’s hand. "No, Joong don't those are-"

But Hongjoong didn't heed and continued to doodle on the paper. Upon seeing the damage done, Seonghwa just heaved a high and laughed tiredly. "Well, it was a terrible proposal anyway. I’m all yours now, is that what you want?"

Hongjoong should’ve seen it coming when he's lifted up from the ground by a grinning Seonghwa. The next thing he knew he was laid out on Seonghwa’s legs on the ridiculously wide couch, straddling to face the other.

“H-hyung let go!” He aimed for a punch against his shoulder, but Seonghwa was stealthier to catch it and bring his lips towards the closed fist.

"You're the most amazing thing that happened in my life." Seonghwa suddenly whispered against his knuckles. “I’m glad I met you, I’m happy even if…” The older smiled, stroking his sides. “Even if we’re like this, you still chose to spend time with me. Even if I can barely keep up, you still wanted me. Thank you, Hongjoong.”

Finally, a tender kiss to his lips. It makes something fly inside Hongjoong’s chest, flutter and swipe across like a bee on daffodil.

Hongjoong wanted to retaliate. He wanted to scream and push Seonghwa away that majestic moment because no, no, _no_. This wasn't supposed to go this way. He needed money, not sweet nothings and kind acts. That was all Seonghwa was supposed to be for him: a full wallet he can steal from, thrown away once he got what he wanted.

But Hongjoong remained speechless, heart shattering and reforming at the words. All he could do is press his temple against his lover, and bask in the affection he was unsure he could ever return.

Hongjoong had underestimated the potent trap he built, and the dreaded day finally came when Seonghwa finally caught him with one of them.

It was the first time he had seen Seonghwa so mad and confused, so out of his control.

Hongjoong hated it when things were out of his control. It was the only time he felt weak, that he really was just another eighteen year old boy among these sea of monsters that try to make their way with him. People like his father, all those loathsome fucks that touched him—all sordid _monsters._

And for a flash of a second, Hongjoong saw it in Seonghwa when the older slapped him.

Although he saw the horror in Seonghwa’s eyes, filled with so much regret and remorse, Hongjoong knew he could never take back what he had done, what _they_ all have done to him. That small moment of frailty was all it took for Hongjoong to crack and spit out something he had never really meant.

"I hate you."

It haunted him for days. For weeks. Sitting there on the space of Seonghwa’s office, unable to believe what he had said.

In the end, it wasn’t Seonghwa who got the burning end of the stick. It was him. And if Seonghwa would never have it in his guts to drive him away, then Hongjoong did, because he couldn’t keep hurting the only person whom he felt strongly for.

But for one day, one last day, Hongjoong pretended everything was fine. He smiled through the poison seeping inside his heart as he held Seonghwa’s hands for what felt like the last time, and when Seonghwa fucked him for the world to see, he took it, revelled in the pleasure his body would never get to know again.

There was no need for proper goodbyes, but he did let Seonghwa make a promise not to waste his time waiting for him. And fuck, it hurt to see the glimmer of hope in his eyes. It hurt to see the gentle assurance from the older’s lips as he promised it back to him.

When he roused at dawn, Hongjoong took one last look around Seonghwa’s workplace, the space that fostered his dream and love. Then he looked back at Seonghwa, sleeping soundly on the couch, pressed a kiss on his hair, his eyes, then finally his honeyed lips with all his heart.

_I’m sorry,_ Hongjoong parted with a low voice before never looking back as he walked away.

* * *

Hongjoong knew Seonghwa would search for him. Deep inside, maybe he really hoped Seonghwa would find him, put some sense into his young mind what to actually do with his life and not just haphazardly cut off the string between them without warning.

While in France, there was a gaping hole inside his chest whenever he ate his meals alone or dozed off while brushing against his canvas. From little things like the smell of roasted coffee, the taste of blueberry or the feel of expensive fabrics. It was like Seonghwa was everywhere, tiny remnants of his micropresence lingering.

At some point Hongjoong convinced himself he was just going insane. But he knew his sanity was still intact when a month later, his greatest fear and hope happened.

Hongjoong felt his heart stop when he heard that voice, so desperate yet thrilled, shout his name. Seonghwa looked unfairly good despite the bags under his eyes, or the obvious sag in his skin. The older probably neglected himself to wits end trying to find an explanation, or anything that led to his sudden disappearance.

“You’re coming back right?”

No words could have ever described how helpless and distraught Hongjoong was when Seonghwa asked. Hongjoong owed him the truth, so he told him the truth. From his cruel intentions that dissolved, to the feelings he could no longer deny.

_Did you love me,_ Seonghwa had asked him.

Love. It's a big word. It makes Hongjoong realize how all this time neither of them had used the word once on each other. They tiptoed around it with tiny gestures and words. Surely it was love when he would sketch Seonghwa from afar or speckle him with kisses whenever he felt like it. Surely it was love when Seonghwa would make sure he ate and admire his works like they were crafted by the gods themselves.

And most definitely, it was love when they whispered sweet nothings and held one another like they were afraid to lose each other.

"I did. I love you, Seonghwa." Hongjoong admitted sincerely, wholeheartedly.

Because Hongjoong did. Still do. Even amidst all the crap he'd done, Seonghwa remained a constant. While his life remained a motion towards what was a distant goal, Seonghwa was there watching him, supporting him, _caring_ for him.

It’s agonizing how even in this state, Seonghwa still valued his feelings and passion. He half expected for him to argue back, convince him why he needed to stay again, but instead he watched Seonghwa run, as if to ultimately let him go, and maybe, it was for the best.

Hongjoong never cried again after that day. Once again, the pain had numbed everything.

* * *

“Mr Park you're meeting with the Chois has been postponed.”

He’s spacing out again. Seonghwa knows. He’s been doing it a lot too. Staring at that certain spot on his office or sometimes, in his home.

Mostly, it’s to distract him from the empty bottles of alcohol on the floor, or the uncleaned ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts. Seonghwa had never smoked this much in his life, he’s practically painting his lungs with tar at this point.

But can you even blame him when he was now an empty shell of the man he used to be?

Heartbreak was not exaggerated. It isn’t just emotional pain. It’s physical. Seonghwa can feel it. Every little bit of mockery he receives, a web of hurt slicing his heart, chopping it up, burning, serving it on a platter for depression to swallow it whole.

Ironic. He’s willing to die. But he’s scared to die by his own hands. He’s scared of the love which could turn into hate at any moment. He’s frightened of losing his friends, his job, but worst of all, he doesn’t want to lose Hongjoong again.

_Hongjoong._

Seonghwa briefly recalls the encounter he had about a week ago with the boy’s father. It took two solid months before Sujoong even showed an ounce of worry to his son’s disappearance and naturally, the man used it as an excuse to mooch off him even more.

"Fucking good for nothing son.” It was the first thing Sujoong spat out when Seonghwa professed his unawareness of the boy’s belongings. It was the least he could do to protect Hongjoong after all.

“I knew it. I knew he wanted to get out of my roof when he told me about that art school. It just doesn’t make fucking sense. Where did he even get the money? I’ve cut his allowance in half so he could focus on his work here.” Sujoong raised a brow at him. “Did you know anything about this Mr Park?”

_More than you ever will_ , Seonghwa wanted to answer but he resorted to shaking his head, more driven in coming up with an excuse to send the man away because he wasn’t in the emotional nor mental state to deal with this now.

“I raised him to have a good future and this is how he repaid me.” The man rambled on. “Wouldn't be surprised if he was selling those trash he painted. Just how low could he get!"

Seonghwa closed his fist. "Stop.”

"You spend some time with my kid and think you know more than me. No offense sir but you don't know him like I do."

"Maybe I do." Seonghwa weakly argued. And he did know Hongjoong more. More than this sorry bastard in front of him calling himself a father. "Hongjoong's a good person."

“What good person leaves their only family to—”

It’s the gurgling temper in his guts that made him slam his hands against the table, the loud thud making the older flinch. Seonghwa gripped on the edge of the table, knuckles white from holding himself back, and glared pointedly at the man in front of him.

“You’re fired.”

Sujoong blinked, baffled by the sudden turn of events. “Excuse me?”

“You, are, fired.” Seonghwa repeated slowly, emphasizing each word like a bullet.

The entire company was appalled by the immediate dismissal of their infamous colleague. There was even more talk now. At some point he overheard them saying how Hongjoong and his dad conspired against him and linked their discharge to the small chips on his financial accounts. H

How badly Seonghwa wanted to clear up Hongjoong’s name, but he just knew it would stir more unnecessary drama. So he just let it be to die. Just like how Seonghwa hoped his feelings for the younger would be.

Seonghwa watched countless of sunrise and sunsets go. Sometimes, he would sit on his office until midnight, waiting for the door to open and hear those bouncy steps because maybe, just maybe, Hongjoong would walk in back again to his life.

It’s stupid and utterly very delusional, but Seonghwa hoped. He hoped and prayed to whatever god was up there that Hongjoong would return.

“Hyung, you have to stop hurting yourself like this.” Yunho was here, so that must have meant Seonghwa hadn’t shown up for at least two days straight to work. Again. The cigarette was knocked off his hand, and Seonghwa found himself chasing the smell of nicotine as his friend crushed it on the floor. “Christ, have you even ate?”

“Do you think he’s happy?” Seonghwa asked, tipping his head to the ceiling. He couldn’t tell if the dampness in his cheeks was the alcohol, sweat or tears anymore. “Do you think…he’s doing well without me?”

There’s an eery silence in his apartment as they both go static. Seonghwa felt bad unloading his life’s trouble to poor Yunho who just wanted him to get his shit together.

“I don’t know hyung.” Yunho finally answered, crouching down to hand him a towel. “He could be as miserable as you right now, he could’ve moved on for all I care, but I’m not here to talk about him. I’m here to make sure you get up right now and eat something decent. I’ve already pushed back your appointments so don’t worry about the firm right now.”

God, what on earth did Seonghwa do to deserve a friend like Yunho. He wanted to thank him, but all he could do was giggle through the haze of the alcohol and nicotine.

“I’m so fucked up.” Seonghwa muttered helplessly. “He was just a kid…and _fuck_ , I took advantage of him didn’t I? That’s why he left…that’s why Hongjoong left me like this. He deserved to take everything I own, strip me for what I’m worth for all I care, just…I want him back Yun. I-I want him back.”

“But you can’t.” Yunho countered bluntly, and Seonghwa looked up to his friend’s stern face. “Frankly, I didn’t know what the hell was going on with the two of you but I knew something was up. I’d never seen you so different hyung, and that’s saying something since I watched you build your reputation from the ground up.”

“Yunho I—"

“But you can’t change what’s already done.” Yunho continued. “Hongjoong wanted to live for his own and that’s what he’s doing right now. Jesus, Seonghwa, you’re almost ten years older than him you should be the one who should’ve gotten over this faster. If you don’t wanna do it for yourself at least do it for Hongjoong.”

For the first time in a while, that night, Seonghwa fell asleep peacefully, Yunho’s words echoing his mind.

_If you don’t wanna do it for yourself, at least do it for Hongjoong…_

* * *

Three years later, Seonghwa couldn't say he’s moved on. He couldn’t say it got better either. If anything, he was stuck in a limbo.

But at some point, he stopped waiting. He stopped glancing once in a while at his office door expecting for a miracle to happen. Seonghwa realized eventually there was no point in trying to wait for something that has long stepped out of his life.

At least, he honored Hongjoong’s wish. It was the least he could do after all.

His friends and colleagues had been making valiant attempts of cheering him up to which he was grateful for. But alike the usual, Seonghwa kept his stoic front and battled his hurdles quietly. Yunho had been visiting a lot too after what happened. Sometimes, it seemed like he was digging a deeper hole retelling his stories to the other, but Yunho was there to listen to it all.

"Mr Park you have a visitor."

Seonghwa inwardly groans at his secretary’s voice from the receiver.

Yunho never really learned to give him a warning of his impromptu visits. Last time, the man threw a literal company party for his 30th birthday even after his insistence to spend it alone. Seonghwa hears the door open, and heaves a sigh before standing.

"Yunho what did I tell you about sending a message before coming here. Besides, I told you I'll drive to your place to have the papers—"

"Hi hyung."

Seonghwa looks up, freezes. He blinks once, twice. For a second, he considered the possibility of him still being fast asleep in his penthouse, passed out after a long day’s work which occasionally brings him the most lucid of dreams.

No, no it couldn’t be. It _can’t_ be. It’s been so long, far too long…

Because unmistakeably standing in front of him in a coat and beret, two big bags trailing behind him, was Hongjoong. Seonghwa feels his knees weaken, his heart stop. He couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be real, right? He’s finally gone mad and start seeing things.

"You still didn’t change the office." Hongjoong smiles looking around as he takes steps closer.

As he approaches, Seonghwa sees the texture of the younger’s face, those pearly whites up close, piercings. Since when did Hongjoong have this many piercings? And _oh,_ his hair. He could barely see it with the beret but it was a striking shade of red now.

Seonghwa wanted to say so many things, but all that escapes his mouth is a faint sigh of, “Hongjoong…”

Hongjoong takes off his beret, revealing the full mop of fire underneath. He gestures at the seat in front of the table, the chair he loved to occupy years ago. “Do you mind?”

Seonghwa shakes his head, still petrified in his seat. Hongjoong seems hesitant, but he settles down.

For a while it was soundless. It’s hard to act like strangers with someone who has seen you in and out, but Seonghwa plays his part and tries to maintain his composure as he observes the younger. Hongjoong still looked like he did three years ago—youthful and lovely—if anything, he looked even more gorgeous and Seonghwa cannot fathom how it was possible to have that right _there_.

There’s a silent game of tug and war between them, as if waiting who breaks first. Unquestionably, Seonghwa knows it wouldn’t be him, too stunned to even form coherent thoughts.

"I have a lot of guts showing up here after what happened, I know.” Hongjoong begins with his eyes cast down. _No, look at me, please keep looking at me before you disappear_ , Seonghwa wants to beg. “But... will you listen to me if I talk?"

Seonghwa nods resolutely.

"I uhm, I finished my degree already. I was levelled up a lot on my classes because I impressed my teachers so I finished early. They told me… they told me I was talented hyung. And I was going places, but I wouldn’t be able to do this without your uhm—help… I came back to start over again in Seoul.”

_I told you so,_ Seonghwa wants to say. “Coffee?” He offers vacantly instead. The younger seems surprised with the way his eyes flicker, long curly lashes tizzy, before he nods.

Seonghwa gets up, back facing Hongjoong, fearful that when he turns back Hongjoong would be gone. “Then you moved out?” He urged the other.

He could picture Hongjoong nodding. "I did. Yesterday I actually went home, to show my dad I did it. That he was wrong. I still don’t forgive him, but I thought he would’ve changed.” A dejected laugh. “But you figured, I wasn’t welcome there anymore."

At the mention of his dad, Seonghwa pauses from stirring the cream. “He didn’t hurt you did he?”

“Oh no! He said some stuff, but it was nothing I’m not used to.” Seonghwa frowns at that. Hopefully the coffee would at least make Hongjoong relax. “Anyways, that’s not why I came back here. I actually wanted to pay you back.” Hongjoong pats his pockets to take out a piece of paper and lay it neatly in front of him. “It’s not much because apparently it’s hard to hire a kid my age, much less with no experience. And here I thought I would thrive in my 20s.”

That’s right Hongjoong was 21 now. A real adult. They were still years apart, but somehow this way, a burden lifts up from his conscience.

“That’s it?” Seonghwa hadn’t meant it to come out as rude, but Hongjoong must’ve taken it the wrong way with how his face flushes.

“I…”

Seonghwa slides the cheque back to him. “I never asked you to be indebted to me. But tell me this, why else? Why else did you come back?"

Why did you come back _here_ , Seonghwa had really wanted to ask. Because no, surely it wasn’t just this insignificant little debt that kept them tied together. They both know that Seonghwa couldn’t care less about what Hongjoong stole from him, he made it clear before they parted ways, so why?

"You must think I'm fucked up right. After doing all of that to you I can just come here. I just... I just wanted to see you one more time. But I’m sorry hyung…I mean it. I just… didn’t have any choice.”

“You could’ve asked for my help.”

“It felt wrong.” Hongjoong counters. “I was so used to doing things on my own. I just wanted something I did for myself.”

“By using yourself against those men?”

“If that’s what it takes to get where I am now, then yes.” Hongjoong defends. “Never in my life did I have control of something other than what I was doing. They threw themselves at me, I only took the price for it. It didn’t feel right, but it got me what I wanted. It got me what I _needed,_ hyung. It was the only thing I could do…” Hongjoong turns to face him, expression hardening. “I don’t regret it Seonghwa-hyung. I feel like shit doing it to you and I’m sorry but I didn’t regret I chose you. I wouldn’t have met you if I wasn’t the shitty pathetic person I was before.”

“You weren’t shitty.”

“Excuse me?”

“Or pathetic.” Seonghwa continues. “You were never those things. You were lost, and I didn’t even know. I had everything I can in my hand to help yet I was so ignorant when it was clear as day. Even when I did try to help I didn’t know where my boundaries lie. I made you feel helpless, didn’t I? But you aren’t the worse person in the world for doing what you did.”

They stare at each other for what seemed like forever. It’s a comfortable silence they were used to, and yet there was a vapor of tension between them they mutually chose to ignore.

“Then you would be the first one to think so.” Hongjoong stands up slowly, his steps leading him back to the door. “I-I should get going.”

"Hongjoong."

Seonghwa didn’t know what he was expecting when he called out Hongjoong’s name. But something possesses him to run to the other, and to his surprise, he sees Hongjoong running to him too, and somewhere in between they met in a tight embrace. Seonghwa took his time to wrap the smaller in his arms, as if one wrong move and the other would vanish from his touch.

It only takes a tilt of their heads for their lips to connect in a scorching kiss.

The slip of Hongjoong’s tongue against his makes Seonghwa moan embarrassingly. He wasn’t aware how much he was starving for Hongjoong’s touch, for his _taste,_ until he savours in it. Hongjoong’s lips were exactly how he remembered it—bold, teasing and full of life. His synapses were firing left and right, and it’s a miracle his legs haven’t collapsed at the sensation.

Seonghwa squeezes the flesh of Hongjoong’s thigh, pulling them up to his waist to carry Hongjoong to his table, a sinfully familiar act that has Hongjoong whining in his mouth.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Hongjoong mumbles in his lips and that’s when Seonghwa sees the tears soaking his pretty face.

Seonghwa pulls back to press their temples together and cup the younger’s cheek, feeling the hot blood on its surface. "I missed you. I can’t believe you’re here. I was so miserable, and now you’re here and—fuck you’re really here… I can’t believe you came back.”

“I’m sorry…” Hongjoong repeats like it’s the only thing in his mind. “I love you hyung, I still do, I’m sorry I left like that.”

"I don't care. I don’t fucking care.” Seonghwa hugs, letting their heat mingle with each other. It feels too good to be real. “Just stay with me okay?"

Hongjoong laughs, “I will hyung… This time I’m all yours.”

It was easy fitting each other back in their own lives.

A lot have changed about the younger. Three years was enough to completely mold Hongjoong to a slightly different person. Fiery red hair aside, Hongjoong was still his old playful self, stealing kisses from his lips here and there, sneaky touches that has the hair of his back standing, words with always an added layer of mischief with them.

Hongjoong was also more careful, sophisticated, and if Seonghwa can say so himself, more mature _._ And yet, for Seonghwa, it felt like nothing changed.

Hongjoong fitted so perfectly, so easily, that it’s like the three years of longing didn’t even happen.

"I still can’t believe you kept my space."

_Because I kept waiting for you,_ Seonghwa wanted to admit, but he was rather enjoying watching Hongjoong walk around his place exactly like the first time he took him home.

It had already been a week since Hongjoong returned. Two? Seonghwa doesn’t really care. Time seemed to be a worthless concept when it was spent with Hongjoong by his side.

“Hyung, do I just put the handsome CEO on the top floor for the delivery address?” Hongjoong calls from across the room as he runs to press his back against his chest. Sometimes, it still feels strange hearing his voice after being devoid of it for some time.

“Hm, berry?”

Hongjoong looks behind his shoulder. “Should you even still be calling me that when I lost the blue hair ages ago?”

“You’re still a berry to me.” Seonghwa buries his nose on the other’s scalp, essentially tickling the younger to giggles. “See? You’re just a strawberry this time. Sugar, sweet strawberry.”

Hongjoong bursts into another fit of giggles, and eventually he had to push Seonghwa away just so he could speak up. “Whatever. I just want to ask something since I bought a few canvases to work on for some exhibit they invited me. It’s not a big thing like the ones we used to go to but it’s a start.” The hopeful smile on Hongjoong’s face is hypnotizing. “Now I just need to know what’s the address here.”

Seonghwa snaps out from obsessively staring at Hongjoong’s face before suggesting, “I’ll get it for you.”

Hongjoong’s lips draw in a line. “Hyung that’s not even an option. Not after what I’ve done to you.” The younger lets out a small laugh, but the sadness lacing in it is evident.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Joong. You know I’ve moved past that right.”

“But I haven’t.” Hongjoong looks down, manicured finger anxiously scratching on the granite. “I-I, I can’t just move on from that hyung. I fucking hate myself for doing all of that to you. Every night for the past three years I was consumed by the guilt that I betrayed you. Even when I love y…Please, hyung, it’s bad enough you’re letting me stay here.”

Seonghwa takes the boy’s chin and lifts it up. Hongjoong’s misty eyes were the first thing he saw, and he daintily wipes the tear threatening to fall out of them. “And just like before, I don’t care. I want to take care of you. I want nothing but to see you happy, even if it meant you aren’t with me.”

As his shoulder dampen with tears, Seonghwa holds Hongjoong through it.

Just like that, they made up for all the lost time together. They took it slow, rebuilding their trust, and as Seonghwa falls harder, so did Hongjoong. He’d see it in the little doodles the other puts in his lunchbox, the sketches of his face that come at least once a week, and his favorite thing when he comes home from work and Hongjoong would be there to greet him with a smile, a hug and a kiss.

But maybe they took things a tad bit too slow because Seonghwa had almost forgotten the side of the younger that drove him crazy years ago.

One night Seonghwa woke up to something moving against his leg. When he turns to his side, his breath hitches at the sight of Hongjoong with pupils blown, shirt drawn up to his ribs revealing his flat stomach, naked legs clenched around his, and a hardness poking his thigh.

“I-I’m sorry I couldn’t help it. I missed you so much.” Hongjoong ruts against him, lips bitten.

All traces of drowsiness leaves Seonghwa’s soul as he climbs on top of the younger. The way his hand spanned across Hongjoong’s tiny waist makes his head spin. Hongjoong looked delicate, yet so delicious that Seonghwa finally leans in to lick the boy’s mouth. Hongjoong’s tongue curls against his in a delicious exchange, all the while the boy reaches out to palm his cock quickly filling out in his boxers.

“Fuck… you’re insatiable.” Seonghwa mutters before attacking the boys neck, sucking the sensitive skin to elicit pretty noises from the younger.

“Hyung,” Hongjoong was now ridding them both of their bottomwear, exposing them to the cool air of the room. “I want you.”

“I know…” Seonghwa’s hand grabs the bottle of lube under his dresser. It had been sitting there for too long, unused, and his skin tingles as the memories of their sinful encounters years ago flash before his eyes. “Can I?”

“No need.” Hongjoong chuckles. And when he led Seonghwa’s finger to touch his hole Seonghwa gasped at the smooth slide of his finger. “I’m ready.”

“Joong,” Seonghwa breathes out. He kisses the boy once more, their teeth almost clashing at how messy and lust-driven they devour each other’s lips. Soon there’s moist hands wrapped around his member, Hongjoong spreading the lube by stroking him. But Seonghwa takes his hand away and pins them over his head. “If you keep doing that I’m not gonna last long.”

“Good for us then.” Hongjoong spreads his legs, fully exposing himself. “I can go all night.”

Crazy. Hongjoong is driving him crazy.

Seonghwa positions himself in between the younger’s legs. It only takes a nod from Hongjoong before he’s pushing in, cock stiff and aching as it penetrates Hongjoong once more, and the tightness engulfs his body. Seonghwa missed this. No body could ever satisfy the raw craving he had for Hongjoong’s.

“Missed this. Missed you so much berry.”

Hongjoong, too gone to think, could only moan wantonly. For a second, Seonghwa thought he would probably crush the other, but then he remembered how Hongjoong used to take him rougher than this, and it only encourages him to resume thrusting, shallow then deep, never consistent to let Hongjoong know how much he missed out. Every movement of his hips sent Hongjoong sliding up, the force wrecking the younger.

“Did you let anyone do this?” Seonghwa asks, curious.

Hongjoong nods fervently, and Seonghwa’s stomach drops at the realization that the other fooled around at his absence. Of course he would, Hongjoong was irresistible. Anyone with two eyes would be lured into his charms. But his worry dies when Hongjoong trails his tongue from his neck to his ear where he whispers. “Only because I missed having you inside me.”

“Good boy.” His chest swells with pride thinking Hongjoong touched himself, fucked other men thinking of him in their place. It only drives Seonghwa faster to chase his climax, hips stuttering riotously against Hongjoong’s ass, the fat there bouncing against his thighs.

“Mmmh, h-hyung, I-I’m so close…” Hongjoong brings his hands to his hipbone to roll his slim hips harder against his, “Yes there! Hmm, I’m, p-please—”

Seonghwa wanted to ingrain it in memory how Hongjoong looks that night. Fire-red hair matted with sweat, skin flushed and golden, his lips stuttering high pitched moans that are music to his ears. Seonghwa himself cums shortly, pulling out to spread it across his hole as if to mark him as his property.

“You still got it…” Hongjoong said somewhere in between them catching their breaths. “Not bad for an old man.”

Seonghwa snorts, opting to spoon the younger instead. “Shut up.” A kiss on Hongjoong’s hair. “Hongjoong…”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll still be here when I wake up right?”

Seonghwa feels his eyes giving up on him. But when he dozes off, he heard faintly, “Always and forever, Seonghwa…”

The next day, Seonghwa wakes up to an empty bed and it’s all it took for Seonghwa’s drowsiness to dispel.

“Hongjoong?” He calls out, tying the robe around his waist as he checks the bathroom. Nothing. Surely though, last night was real as he scans the floor to see the younger’s clothes littered across the room.

Odd, Hongjoong usually left a note whenever he decides to go out on his own. The panic builds up more when he steps outside the room to find the place empty of any other presence. He searches Hongjoong’s studio, the kitchen, even trying his walk-in closet just in case the younger was messing with him. But… nothing.

Something sour crawls to Seonghwa’s throat _. Please, please don’t_ , he mentally begs. Not again. Hongjoong wouldn’t, right? Just thinking of it made oncoming tears prickle behind his eyes.

But just as he was about to phone the lobby, that’s when he hears the _ding_ of the elevator outside. And all of his worry disperses the moment he sees Hongjoong in the entrance with a plastic bag at hand.

“Good morning?” Hongjoong giggles, briefly bypassing him to give a quick peck before heading to the kitchen. “I was in a rush and still couldn’t figure out how your very expensive stove works so I had to improvise. Guess we’re having takeout and half burnt sausages for breakfast.”

Seonghwa stood there, still recovering from the aftermath of his overthinking.

“Hey there.” Hongjoong approached him, chuckling worriedly. “You alright?”

“I thought,” Seonghwa pants, holding the younger’s arm firmly against him. “I thought… I thought I lost you again. I can’t lose you again Joong…”

“Seonghwa-hyung. I’m not gonna leave you okay? I know it’s hard to trust me again but I’m here.” Hongjoong rubs soothing circles on his back, reassuring him once more, “I’m here.”

Seonghwa continued with his work, his company flourishing and expanding which demanded more of his time. Sometimes he would be forced to part with Hongjoong on important deals outside the country, but when he came home, Hongjoong would shower him with a week’s worth of stories and cuddles.

And on instances like this where it was Hongjoong who became more occupied doing art inside his office, it would be Seonghwa’s turn to return it back tenfold.

“Oh my god get out…” Hongjoong snorts, hands on his chest but not exactly pushing him away. “Was I always this annoying?”

“Very.” Seonghwa snuggles his head onto the other’s thighs.

Hongjoong tries to remain unfazed as he continues painting through the fabric. Seonghwa knew he had to step up his game so he gets up to position himself behind the younger.

“Really? At 10 in the morning?” The younger deadpans, poking his arm with a brush. “You are way too horny for an old man.”

Hongjoong manages to push him away, but not without them spending a full five minutes making out on the floor. They only stop when Hongjoong sensed they were getting too riled up and Seonghwa pulls back for air.

“What do you say we go out?”

Seonghwa checks his watch. “Right now?”

“Is there a better time?”

Seonghwa smiles.

It wasn’t exactly the most placid drive Seonghwa did. Not when Hongjoong was sucking on a lollipop the entire time while more often than not palming him through his pants as revenge for spoiling his work. At some point Seonghwa planned to pull the car to the nearest empty parking lot to have Hongjoong under him, but he resorts to getting to their dinner date safely instead.

There Hongjoong opens more about his life in France. For a second, the bed where the old thorns used to lay in Seonghwa’s heart swells, but it was sweet relief when he was finally to take them out one by one when he shares his side as well.

“But I’m here now right?” Hongjoong smiles tightly, intertwining their fingers together. A gesture that makes Seonghwa’s heart melt. “You won’t go back there anymore hyung. I promise.”

Seonghwa doesn’t say anything more other than squeeze his hand tightly, making a wordless promise back.

“Baby doll?”

The third voice interrupting breaks them out of their bubble. A man perhaps a few years older than himself, Seonghwa quickly profiles, stood across their table. Seonghwa wanted to dismiss the entire mishap as a case of mistaken identity until something in the air shifts when he notices the older being a little too fixated on his date.

“Hongjoong.” At the sound of Hongjoong’s name, he watches his lover’s face contort to a scowl. “It’s you isn’t it? I’m right! Well, what a coincidence here to see you babe.”

“What are you doing here?” Hongjoong fidgets in his seat, eyes boring holes at the other.

Seonghwa is quick to read the room and valiantly stands in between them. “I’m sorry but you’re making him uncomfortable. If you could just leave us alone to dine that would be great.” Seonghwa grits his teeth through the firm yet faux politeness, but all he got is an impressed whistle from the older who side-eyes Hongjoong.

“Wow you really did it this time doll. A whole CEO for you to get your pretty fingers on.” The man grins at him. “Listen, I hate to break it to you but this one’s got dirty hands. Took quite the number from one of my cards few years ago and I didn’t even get to touch the little shit properly before he ran away. You should do yourself a favor and leave this rat—”

Seonghwa doesn’t know what overtakes him when he grabs the man’s collar.

“Hyung!” Hongjoong gets up to hold his arm, begging. “Hyung, please don’t… It’s not your fight.”

“I’m giving him a minute to take back what he said.” Seonghwa seethes.

In a distress, Hongjoong fraughtly turns to the other. “Listen. I-I’m sorry I did that to you. But we can settle this matter privately. I can pay you back.”

“You’re not paying him a cent until he apologizes.” Seonghwa interferes. “It’s one thing to be mad about what you did to him but I won’t let someone else talk about you like that.”

“Damn baby you got this one good.” The man’s laugh roars through the room, attracting even more unwanted attention. “What did you do, huh? You’re probably old enough to spread your legs a—”

The entire restaurant gasps collectively when Seonghwa’s anger gets the best of him and he lands a fist across the man’s face. It was too late to undo his action when he sees the other collapse to the floor, clutching his bleeding jaw.

Seonghwa grabs their coat, throws whatever paper bill he has inside his pocket on the table, and turns to Hongjoong who has a hand clapped over his mouth, tears misting his eyes.

“Let’s go home.”

* * *

“We’ve had worse but it’s still pretty bad.”

“Don’t care.”

“A few investors are pulling out from the deals.”

“I don’t care.”

“It was a little too late to do damage control with the press. Some nosy paparazzi got in the way and had to—”

“Yunho for the last time, I, don’t, _care._ ”

He hears Yunho sigh through the phone. “I know _hyung._ I’m just letting you know what you’re about to face now that the cat’s out of the box.”

Seonghwa’s lips curl in a tight line. It didn’t take long for the news to break out. It wasn’t everyday a renowned CEO was throwing fists with another big-name businessman, so the press were having a field day trying to infiltrate the issue. What’s worse is Hongjoong’s name got dragged too which just added fuel to fire.

“It’s fine.” He replies firmly. “Just do what you can to not make any bad than it already is. I’ll take care of the rest.”

Out of nowhere, a piece of clothing is draped across his shoulders, and Seonghwa instantly feels the tension leave his body when he hears the cheerful voice. “Hyung! Hyung! Look at what I made.”

When Seonghwa looks behind, he’s welcomed by Hongjoong’s toothy smile, sweater-clad arms around his neck to encase him in whatever fashion piece he just reformed. And that, that makes the corner of Seonghwa’s mouth lift up on its own.

“You really love him don’t you hyung.” Seonghwa shakes his head. Right, he was on a call with Yunho, and he shouldn’t be distracted by Hongjoong’s adorable face or his small hands around his torso.

Seonghwa takes one more look, just a second, to thank whatever being is up there that brought him this dazzling ray of happiness back to his life.

“I really do.” And with that, he throws his phone to finally pay full attention to the boy clinging to him.

“Was that Yunho?” Hongjoong is on his tiptoes, doing his best to level his height.

Seonghwa wants to coo at how devastatingly precious he looked, until he feels the sag on Hongjoong’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“I fucked up didn’t I?” Hongjoong murmurs into his neck.

“No, no god.” Seonghwa is quick to reassure. “You’re not the one who punched a politician’s son in public. Yunho just called to help fix things, you don’t have to worry about anything.”

“But still… if I didn’t—if I just… I don’t know hyung, I hate myself so much. Everything stupid I’ve done years ago is coming to bite me back.” With the faintest shimmer in his eyes, Hongjoong gazes up. “You’re the only good thing that went right.”

Seonghwa smiles fondly at the younger. “In the end it was my choice. Entertaining you three years ago. Letting you go. Punching that guy’s face to protect you. I chose to be with you, remember? I could’ve pushed you away when you came back. But I didn’t. That’s how much I love you, Joong.”

And he means it. Seonghwa could call Yunho right now again and hand him his entire fortune, quit his job, cross mountains for all he cared, if it meant having Hongjoong till the end of his life. He had never felt so complete and whole with another person. So safe and so loved. The one that painted his dull life with a color that was a splash of hues, so saturated and bright, so _Hongjoong._

“I love you.” Hongjoong whispers against his lips in a shaky laugh.

“Me too berry,” Seonghwa returns it, adding just a bit more pressure, a bit more love. “I love you.”

The next week when they left their home together, a swarm of journalists and flashes of light come bursting from every direction outside Park’s corporate firm. All the time, Seonghwa holds Hongjoong’s hand as they braved through their exposure to the public.

Hongjoong was here, the love of his life, and for Seonghwa it's all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for patiently not-waiting for this update. To those who stuck around despite the issue, thank you for trusting me till the end. I have fixed a majority of things about it and told you guys the truth about it, so I feel much better now. I did promise I would continue writing about ATEEZ albeit slowly :D
> 
> Comments and kudos would be lovely! Let me know how this rollercoaster made you feel :)


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